Tag Archives: Emotional Abuse

The Evil behind Ghosting and the Silent Treatment!

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Once it was called the Silent Treatment, now it is called Ghosting! 

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The definition: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

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EVIL may be a harsh word.  However, it is not harsh enough if you logically contemplate the true dynamics behind the narcissistic loser who does this to you.  Stop for a moment and contemplate the pain and humiliation they KNOW they are deliberately causing you.   Do not mistake any of this for any sort of caring about you!  Trust me, none of this is about trying to further a relationship with you or anything positive at all.

This Silent Treatment is done for a few reasons:  he has met somebody else and wants to keep you on the back burner, he is too much of a coward to break up with you or you have done something to bug him so he is punishing you with this diabolical game in order to put you back in your place and control you again with HIS rules.  Were you too needy with him, well you need to learn you are not that important to him!

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He stands you up for a date, you call repeatedly and he never answers the phone.  You text him “WTF?” and no reply.  After worriedly calling the hospital and jail, you are disappointed to find he is in neither!  You can’t ignore the gut feeling that you have been dumped!

In desperation, your mind races for another possibility.  He dropped his phone in the ocean again while surfing!  He has done that at least four times in the last two months!  Wait, Facebook Messenger, he’s never far from his laptop!  You log on to find that he was active just over an hour ago. He changed his profile photo and you are no longer in it!

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This is too painful to bear.  You have been seeing each other for months, everything was perfect.  You never had to text him first or make plans to hang out.  He couldn’t get enough of you and now he has vanished into thin air!

You feel like you have just been kicked in the stomach.   You cry and text continuously for a good four hours.  Eventually, you calm down and tell your cat:

” I’m seriously acting crazy and making assumptions. So what, one night I can’t get ahold of him and his facebook picture is different.  The world has not ended and of course, I will see him again!  He probably just had a bad day, and what did I do, bombard him with a bunch of needy texts that make me sound like a pathetic psycho! “

Your cat looks at you with a bored expression and also decides to give you the Silent Treatment.

Determined to fix this situation you then text:

“Hey, babe.  So sorry for all the texts.  I thought we had plans tonight and I was completely confused.  Were we supposed to have dinner tonight?  So sorry again for the freakout.  Please call me as soon as you get this message. I  love you and miss you!”

One more hour of silence passes.  Then the ever faithful desperation demon repossesses you once again.  This time bringing on feelings of complete rage and humiliation.   Round two of the texts begin. You hear that boxing bell ring, unfortunately, you are the only one fighting the match!

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“What kind of selfish uncaring cruel excuse for a human does something like this.  You’re are an asshole.  Fuck you and whatever bitch you are fucking right now!’

You really should probably put down that wine bottle at this point.  Your fingers are furiously typing pages and pages filled with anger, sadness, and a desperate plea for a response, any kind of acknowledgment that you have existed in his world.  Why have you been ostracized?

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You frantically promise you will do anything you can to make things right.   You go from complete panic to a brief moment of serenity, followed by some tears and loud wailing.  You accept you have far surpassed flying over the cuckoo’s nest.   You have stopped, landed on it and chased all the other birds out!   You know you have now destroyed any chance of getting him back.

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Still, you don’t stop.  What do you have to lose at this point You blow his phone up until it eventually turns off.  You leave long sobbing messages apologizing profusely on his voicemail (though you have no idea for what?).  You wait a good 20 minutes and then try the “funny memories of the good times” angle.  By the end of the night, you want to just die!  You are helpless, defeated, and heartbroken. Your world as you know it has completely come to an end, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming and frustrating.  Your soul is completely drained of all dignity and happiness,

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Eventually, you pass out, the alcohol didn’t exactly help the nuclear explosion of emotions but at least it put you to sleep.  You wake up with your head literally throbbing, and you lie there for a few minutes groggy and blank.  Then you remember last night. “Noooo…” you mumble.  “Please tell me this is nothing but a terrible dream”! You know it isn’t.

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The battery from your phone is dead, you scramble around for the charger praying he replied and maybe thought the whole thing was cute or funny.  No such luck.  You get to look at your incredibly embarrassing texts and burst into tears.  “What have I done?”.  You decide no more texting if he hears your voice sounding normal it might make him remember the normal you again.  You try to think of the perfect cute sentence to play off the downright creepiness you projected to him last night.

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“I’m so sorry babe.  I drank way too much wine last night and I know I made a complete ass of myself.  I’m so embarrassed, I swear my cat thinks I’m a nutcase,  (awkward laugh).  I was just really worried that something had happened to you and I was missing you so badly.  I love you so much, please call me and let me know that you are okay at least.  I really do love you, bye”.

You put down the phone and feel like a complete loser.  That was not cute or funny, sounded more like an addict begging for their last hit!

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Now you have lost your will to do anything.  You decide to call in sick to work, go back to bed and cry yourself back to sleep.  You don’t wake up until early evening.  Of course, you immediately go for your phone, your heart racing.  You just feel that he called.  But there is nothing no response from him at all.  For the next couple of weeks, you try to tone it down.  Leaving a message every other day, just casually saying  “Hey there, just wanted to say hi and see how your week was going?”.  Never a response.  

You can feel actual physical pain in your chest, you have no appetite, your concentration at work is non-existent and your anxiety just over the roof.  You can’t accept in your head that this is real and keep thinking what happened?  What did I do wrong?  I was one playing hard to get and making him work for me.  He said he loved me, I am such a loser here!

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This situation is extreme, however not uncommon.  When somebody we love ghosts us we are thrown into complete confusion and terrible pain.  We can’t understand why they did that to us and drive ourselves crazy wondering what we did wrong?  And yes, the girl, in this case, sounded like a stalking nut job.  However, one moment she was happily in love and feeling secure in what she thought was a great relationship and the next moment that was all snatched away from her without warning or explanation. As if she wasn’t even worth it and she started to blame herself for “overreacting to the cruel and cowardly behavior of somebody she had no reason to believe would ever do that to her!

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DON’T beat yourself up!  He made you crazy, he was rude and what he did to you was excruciatingly painful!  Clearly, he is one selfish, spineless cowardly excuse for a human.  For somebody to suddenly cut off all contact with another human being they claimed to love as if they were nothing but a Craiglist one night stand… And then guilt-free continue on with their merry life,  feeling triumphant that they had that much power over your emotions is not somebody worth losing any sleep over!

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It’s 2018, by now we are all pretty much chained to our cell phones.  Please do not give this loser the satisfaction of continuing to text him over and over again, trying in vain to get the answer you so desperately want to hear.  You won’t get it!   You don’t need his last thoughts of you to be of a whimpering pathetic desperate nutcase!  I always love it when men have the nerve to call us crazy after they have obviously lied or disappeared and then attempt to twist the truth and put the blame on us.  One big finger up to these jerks!   They need to be put in the straightjacket!

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HE DID IT TO YOU, HE WILL DO IT TO THE NEXT GIRL. PITY HER, BE RELIEVED YOU HAVE ESCAPED!

 

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Why I will NEVER do Airbnb AGAIN!

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I was an Airbnb host for about five months.  I had an extra room, in a nice condo and it certainly helped pay the rent.

My first guest was a young from girl Korea.  She booked for one night and stayed for all of an hour. I overheard her giggling on the phone and making plans to stay with her boyfriend for the night.  A minute later she came out with tears pouring down her face telling me her mom was in the hospital dying.  I told her she could have a tissue for her crocodile tears, but a refund out of the question!

The second guest I really liked. A super fun lady with whom I shared some fun conversations over a glass of wine.  Unfortunately, a hitch occurred when the water was turned off for one night due to plumbing problems downstairs.  I apologized and tried to make it up for it by buying her dinner. She was cool but slightly irked.  However, we continued to chat and laugh together.  She thanked me as she left and said she would definitely book with me again.  When it came to rating time, I gave her five stars and was horrified to discover that she had left one star for me.  I tried calling her frantically, to ask her to revise the feedback before that ridiculous 48-hour rule was up. She didn’t understand the time limit of the rating system and promised she would change it after work.  Too much time had elapsed by then but she mistakenly thought Airbnb would make an exception. Nope, if it is one minute past 48 hours, obviously she is lying for the host!

Numerous guests came and went.  Most no bother at all,  a few others a headache.  It was really a stressful way to make extra money.  And, then the guests from hell arrived…

My email to Airbnb about how their system fails to protect the hosts tells it all.

TO: Airbnb Customer Relations

I can’t find out how to contact you, but this message is about a guest named Thomas M****y.   I had no idea that two men, a dog, and a girlfriend were arriving at my home on a Friday night at 9pm.  The booking was made at about 7.30pm and your phone app failed to alert me. To have an unexpected group of  people arrive was extremely stressful and  I was not prepared

The father named Thomas M. was rude to the point of being abusive. I was very tired but scurried around like a rat trying to accommodate them.  He was screaming at me about how he should have gone to a Motel Six despite my explanation that I was not expecting guests.

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 THE SPITTING IMAGE OF THOMAS!

It started with his son having sex in the car with his girlfriend in front of all my neighbors! Thomas M went to bed after I finally got the room together.  The son mentioned he was also having problems trying to send a reservation through your app, so obviously, your glitch caused a lot of unnecessary chaos.  The son said that his dad was just always mean. At this point, after already being exhausted before they arrived, I wasn’t feeling well and went to sleep.

Both father and son got up before me and returned at some time during the day.  I had forgotten to leave out a key, I don’t function well rushed and pressured. The son had locked the front door when he left.  I never left the house and was sleeping heavily the whole time, as I was beginning the flu.   

Eventually, I woke up to a scene outside my front door.  I opened the door, the son and his girlfriend was there and stormed past me to the room and started packing up their stuff.  The son said his dad didn’t want to stay a second day and was demanding a full refund.  Then my phone rang and it was Thomas screaming all sorts of profanities, calling me a thief who had robbed them, a fraud and stating he had called the police on me. He said he had been pounding on my door for 48 minutes and that the police had been waiting outside. I  knew he was lying, the local sheriffs would waste their time on this.

I then had the pleasure of reading a barrage of threatening texts from Thomas.  I had apologized for the key, as that was my responsibility.  I  would never have taken a booking, with a little over an hours notice!  I should have refused them, but how awkward and here come negative points against my Airbnb account! 

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Thomas was relentless in his pursuit to punish me for all of this.  He said I had better give him all his money back!  I told him I would refund for the second night, however the $15 cleaning fee was non refundable, he showered, slept in the bed with the dog, left all my blankets on the floor, a messy bathroom, beds made in the living room, wet towels in the hallway and calling the police over a door his son locked was more than I needed to deal with.  He chose to use my accommodations for the night, thus he has to pay for that night. 

He was acting psychotic and claimed further things that were neither consistent nor rational, even saying he never came in the house? This was also becoming a case of extortion.  I returned $55 – one night plus half the cleaning fee – anything to make him leave me alone.  However, he would not stop and yes I lost my temper too!  Here are some of the texts below:

May 07 9:41am

You will get three stars

May 07 9:41am

Trying to return your money through Airbnb website.  And really lying about the police?  

May 07 9:41am

I never set foot in your house too.  At $65 I will sue you in court for much more!

May 07 9:42am

LEAVE ME ALONE NOW!

May 07 9:42am

The money I will take you to court

May 07 9:42am

Last warning!

May 07 9:42am

It’s amazing you’re talking to me today when I was trying to get in your house yesterday text messaging you and calling you no response

May 07 9:42am

Ok.

May 07 9:43am

$65 hotels

May 07 9:43am

You left a mess. I have to clean and wash your crap. Plus you had a dog

May 07 9:44am

And I already posted on the Airbnb community who said I shouldn’t have let you in. Refunding your $49. Now leave me alone. Before I get a restraining order!

May 07 9:48am

$65 or I’ll sue you next week in small claims for the entire two days

May 07 10:19am

And restitution I will report you to your apartment complex and sue them too!

May 07 10:21am

You charge me $75 for 4 hrs

May 07 10:22am

And you went and got a beer

May 07 10:22am

I will see you in court I want it all back last chance

May 07 10:23am

If I don’t see my $$$$$$ of the $$$$ is not on my account in the morning, I’m going to your apartment complex and letting them know I’m filing a lawsuit against you and the facility.  I paid $140 to you!  I’m going to sue them $5000 for false advertising & fraud, they own the facility you used and I had no prior knowledge that you didn’t own the facility. You’recharging people to stay there so I will be suing you and your apartment complex which puts you in violation of the lease on your apartment, you could possibly be evicted immediately for violating your lease this choice is yours!!!

May 07 3:21pm

What you are doing is extortion and you need to stop. I refunded you for Saturday. And taking $6 off the cleaning fee. You spent and your son spent the night. I still have to clean after you. I’m not obligated to refund you at all but I did. Please stop any further harassment.

May 07 3:25pm

If you don’t give me my $65 I’m going to sue you-you don’t seem to understand this. You were supposed to provide a service and you didn’t!  I told you to keep the money the money for the first night, I slept in your bed on blankets remember that on blankets no sheets on the bed, do you remember that and waited for you to get the room ready, do you remember I wanted to leave then I was nice enough to stay, if you think you did me a favor by waiting in your home you were totally wrong and unprofessional ! I expect $65 back from you nothing less if I don’t get this I’m going to show you exactly what my legal rights are how the hell could it be extortion when I’m asking for my money back when you lock me out of your place, obviously totally out of it!   You know what I’m going by your complex tomorrow you won’t hear from me anymore I promise I will come knocking on your door but the manager of your complex I promise you…

May 07 3:37pm

Your son left at 10am. I charged you for only for one night and a partial cleaning fee. Again threatening somebody in order to obtain money is illegal. And again I’m politely asking you to stop and please stay away from my home

May 07 4:24pm  (Thomas tries calling on the phone!)

I don’t know if you listened to the sheriffs, but I want to be left alone. The amount I received for a night is $48 plus a one time $15 cleaning fee. The amount I had sent you was $55. The room would have been ready like it has been for other guests, however, I had no idea anybody was coming that night!  I received no alert and did my best to accommodate. I would have been fine had you gone to a Motel 6. So I will pay the $9 difference and waive the cleaning fee for your inconvenience over the key issue.  I do not like such unpleasantry and I called the sheriffs because people threatening to come to my house and hang around my complex doesn’t make me comfortable being a single female.  So for my own safety, I did so.

I will send you the difference. You are paid in full. But, if you continue to harass or try to cause me problems than I do have the right for a restraining order. So, let’s end this negative energy and be done. I will send you now. I don’t know how long it takes to show in your account. Have a good night!

4 hrs

You can give out all the excuses you want your services was piss poor at best. I asked you to give me back my $65 and you’re still trying to Jack me.  If you give me my $60 I have no issue with you

3 hrs

How am I trying to jack you, I am trying to pay you the money? I had an issue sending it online because it is telling me that that I cannot do so and I am on hold with Airbnb as we speak to ask them for assistance to do it. I had sent $55 earlier. I don’t see where it is recorded or shows and now it’s telling me that I can only send $63. So making sure that that money goes through and I send the correct difference.

3 hrs

I don’t think it shows instantly, I have never done it before, I cannot control their website but making every attempt to resolve this so I can move on with other things in my life here

3 hrs

I emailed Airbnb to check on the process. I believe it takes 48 hours, I don’t know, I am new to this website also. So nobody is jacking you. And I am pretty sure it has gone through, but I need a confirmation so I don’t double pay. Thanks.

3 hrs

Nothing yet

3 hrs

As I said it’s probably going to be a couple of days. I have called, no answer, emailed waiting for a reply. I sent $55 and as soon as I know that that went through correctly I will send the other $9. In the meantime, there is nothing else I can do!

I sent out the $55 to this man.  After his threats to come banging at my door and upset the community I live in, I called the OC sheriffs to ask them to please speak to him.  The sheriff attempted also, but he couldn’t get a word in through Thomas’s screaming.  The officer ended up telling me that if he came to my door, then I had a right to file a restraining order and that Airbnb is not safe!  I asked the sheriff to please tell him I would give him the remaining $9 if he would just stop harassing me.  Plus, I asked your website to put out some sort of warning for other hosts. This man, in fact, should not even be allowed to continue to book as he is clearly mentally ill and dangerous!

So, once this annoying psycho got ALL his money back, he still wouldn’t leave me alone! Two weeks later I got a text message at 2.30am from Thomas.

  “I’m coming over!”. 

Infuriated I immediately reported him to Airbnb again.  Their Trust & Safety division is a joke!  First, they told me not to leave any this man any negative feedback because that would just make him angrier and jeopardize my safety. However, he was allowed to leave me negative feedback which they REFUSED to remove!  They took no responsibility for their app malfunctioning.

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Later I had found one of my spoons bent backwards, burned with a sticky brown substance!  Nice, Heroin in my house!  Even after sending a photograph of this over to Airbnb, they protected Thomas and wouldn’t remove the feedback left for me.  I was so done with this website and told them to cancel my account immediately!  Clearly, no protection exists for the hosts as we are considered the “bad guys” just like sellers on eBay and Amazon. The customer is always right, even if he is a demented stalker!

I decided to do a little further research on Thomas.  I nearly threw up when I saw his facebook.  On his profile, he pretended to be a good kind Christian man, a respected member of a church.  All his posts were of the same topic – mutilated, burned and children with horrible injuries!  And under each photo, he would write “aw poor little girl” etc… What that was all about, I hate to think!  His fellow church members were replying with “you need serious help” type comments!

All I can say is: AVOID AIRBNB!

It seems like easy money, but it is one of the most stressful attempts to make money I have ever experienced.  And this was not the only unpleasant encounter.  However, it was certainly the most disturbing!

 

Sociopaths and Rat Pellets!

Getting over the sociopath or narcissist in your life is hard enough.   Getting rid of them for absolute good can be a nightmare!  Yes, forgiveness is an essential part of healing to free us from the burdens of hate.   However, to “forgive”  simply means to let go of anger.  It does not mean to forget or ever think we have any obligation to ever put ourselves in the pathway of harm again.

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The majority of these monsters will try and turn back up in your life at some point. Miraculously they have of course reformed themselves. They have no!.  They are simply low on resources and looking for ways to refill their honey jar.  And you are just part of the inventory.

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They cannot humanize you any more than you should waste your time trying to humanize them.

Interacting with them again will go great for a VERY short period of time, However,  the moment they see that anything else that threatens the control they think they have regained over you, they will try to destroy it!  To see you happy and without the need of them will engulf them in an overwhelming rage which they will try to disguise for as long as possible under their new mask.

Run as fast as you can! This time the damage will escalate faster and more dangerously than before.  He is not nor ever will be your friend!

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Anytime you engage yourself with this monster again, that freedom you worked so hard for will all have been for nothing!  You are not truly free. 

Your self-esteem no longer rests upon on how they treat you.  Their pathetic attempts to hurt you with the same tired insults are now plain boring!  It’s like wearing a bullet-proof jacket when somebody is shooting a BB gun full of rat pellets at you.  Kind of disgusting, kind of annoying but completely harmless unless you remove that jacket.

Be around normal people again!  Free yourself forever from the invisible cage of crazymaking and gaslighting!   Only then will you start attracting those who are real and have your best interests at heart.  However, watch them flee for the hills if they discover you allow him back around.  Nobody wants to sit and watch a friend self-destruct!

Finally, be very careful when you start dating again!  If you attracted a sociopath or narcissist in the first place, chances are extremely high you will unwittingly attract another!   Take some time to rediscover yourself and regain your self-esteem.   Get therapy if needed, there is absolutely nothing shameful in receiving support.  Don’t dwell on him, but remember the red flags and always go with your gut instinct before giving your heart to somebody else.  Your gut instinct is always right!

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THEY ARE DANGEROUS, DANGEROUS MEN!

 

 

Nightmare Lover

It was not love in his eyes....

I was just fifteen years old when I graduated from high school, I felt on top of the world. I am a brilliant and beautiful girl with the hope of a bright future. I cleared my examination with distinctions. My parents were so proud of me that they fulfilled their age-long promise on my graduation ceremony.

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I had this unexplainable joy as I open the parcel, my parents, Mr. and Mrs.  Johnson gave me, my joy knew no bound when I realize it was an iPhone 7 and not just any phone, it was the latest smartphone in town, and an iPod inclusive. As I scrutinized the phone with my hands and eyes, words of appreciations were running out of my mouth to my parents. There and then I told myself, “Doris Johnson, you have arrived!”

You might not understand the reason behind my unspeakable joy, but for me, it was a dream come true. As a high school student, I had been seeing some of my colleague with smartphones with their new found social media hobby, but my parents were firm on their decision not to get one for me until I gained admission into College. But my achievements made them fulfill their promise earlier before time.

Immediately I got my phone, I started learning how to handle the phone, and I began downloading a different application on my phone. It got more interesting after downloading some social media apps like Facebook and WhatsApp. Those were the two I started off with then. At the beginning I had few friends on my Facebook username, most were my school mate and church members, and I was cool with the few likes and comment on my post and pictures.

Not long after I was given this phone, my parent was already complaining of my phone addiction, but thank God my college admission to a prestigious school in the country save me from my parent regular scrutiny. Free like a bird you will say, yes I felt like someone without burden.

On getting to school, yes I was a serious student and I always study, and my phone was my best friend and amazingly my friend list on Facebook was running to thousands and as I post any updates or pictures, comment and likes were flooding in, I loved I, so it became a daily routine to post new pictures on Facebook and other social media platform like Instagram, Twitter, BBM and WhatsApp.

I began to make new friends on his social media, we chat for long hours, and interestingly, I felt connected to some of my social media friends. There was Charles, Tony, Braham, Fred and John; those were the top five on my list. Yes, they were all Guys, what do you expect from a pretty young teenager like me? They all made me feel like I am more than this Doris Johnson and who does not like feeling cool with herself.

Apart from this five that caught my fancy, there were still others that really wanted my attention, but I ignored them. Don’t get it twisted; I am just an innocent girl determined to succeed, with minimal social life in the physical but social network, I am all over it. At age eighteen, I was still single with a lot of suitors, but I refused to give in because I was determined on waiting for Mr. Right.

But, there is this Charles, the one guy I can wake up in the middle of the night to chat with, I just so liked him even though am yet to see him in person. He was my number one.

I remembered we became friends on Facebook 2013; he was always the first person to like and comment and share my pictures. I observed this trend for some time, this prompt me to go through his profile on Facebook, he was a very handsome guy with a fair complexion, I couldn’t take my eyes off his pictures as if that was not enough he works with a popular multinational company in the state. One afternoon my phone beeped, lo and beheld it was the almighty Charles saying hi for the first time, I was so delighted as I replied his messages and one thing led to the other, we became constant chat mate, and soon the Facebook platform was not enough for us. We shared phone contact, hooked up on Instagram, WhatsApp, Skype, IMO, and BBM.

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It was like I have known him forever, I could tell him everything and anything without reservation; my feelings, my weakness, strength, in fact, he knew all the names of every guy that ever asked me out, he was my confidence and my counselor. I never bothered if he was as open to me as I was, I was just satisfied that he was always there when I needed him and that was all that count.

I needed not to be told that my relationship with Charles was more than friendship but I refuse to accept, or I choose to turn blind eyes to it. While communicating we use different intimate emoji, and sweet words to compliment each other.

After few year of intimate relationship online, we were no longer satisfied with the video chat on Skype; he wanted to see each other. He complained of his busy schedules and weekend activities and pleaded with me to come see him in his Station.

I was a bit skeptical about it initially, considering my background and principal never to run after guys, but my personal judgment of him took the better part of me. I told myself, after all, he is a nice guy, and I have known him for approximately three years. Then I began to nurse different excuses for him, to justify my going to see him and soon I concluded within myself to visit him in this station.

He was so happy when I told him I was coming to see him over the weekend, so he sent me a huge sum of money and instructed me to use part for my transport and use the remain for personal use. That was not his first time of sending me money, though.

After Lectures on Friday afternoon, I left the school premises and boarded a vehicle to a place had never been before to see Charles. I arrived safely, and to my surprise, he was already at the park waiting for me. He looked better than the pictures. He hugged me, and this strange sensation passed through me, at this point I was so in love with this guy. He was so calm and gentle, we exchanged pleasantries, and he led me to his vehicle. We didn’t go to his apartment straight away; rather he took me out, it was like we were on a date. From the lavished evening three-course meal at a very sophisticated restaurant in town to the cinema. I felt like a princess as he gazed at me so sharply in admiration. The evening went so well with a lot of fun and laughter, and finally, he drove me to his apartment around 10:00 pm.

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I have never spent a night at a guys place before, so I felt a little bit uncomfortable but was trying my best to feel at home. His apartment was a spacious and everything was in order. At first glance, I could say it had a touch of a lady, but I ignored the thought.

He dropped his phone on the table as he prepared to shower. He asked me if I will do the same, but I said: “later.”

As he was in the shower, his phone rang and something huge me closer to his phone, and what I saw hit me like a hammer “my love” was calling with a picture of both of them on the screen, I felt like am dreaming, I was still trying to convince myself that there must be a mistake somewhere when a WhatsApp message popped up on the saying “how is the preparation for our next month engagement.”? I was so devastated and disappointed in myself that I could not contain it.

When he came out of the shower, he noticed my countenance and was pressurizing me to open up to him. He picked up his phone, opened it and kept acting normal. At this point I could not take the heat, so I voiced out and spilled out my discovery.

 

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Like I earlier stated he knew everything about me and he knew I don’t give betrayal a second chance. He came closer to me tried to touch me as he apologized, but I pushed his hands away. Suddenly, what seems to be apology turned violent. He held my two hands, telling he loved me, he tried to kiss me, and I was shaking my head. Before I could say JACK, I don’t know what heat my face; he pinned me down to the cushion with his broad chest and his lip and tongue all over my face and neck; it was so disgusting.

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As I struggled to free myself from his grip, he yanked my cloth off, possessed my body, as I attempted screaming, he forced the yanked cloth inside my mouth, and I was so helpless. I began to plead with my eyes and with everything in me, but he wouldn’t stop. Then the worst happen as he thrusts in and pushes it to deep inside my V without mercy, he was the devil himself. It was the most painful experience as I felt it in all my bone and marrow, I wept uncontrollably, but the deed was done.

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I was too weak to react; I was just weeping as I wrapped myself in my torn cloth. I could not leave his apartment in the dead of the night. There and then he started apologizing that he did it because he loved me and can’t avoid to lose me; I felt like seeing a gun to shot him and myself, but I was so scared to react. What seems like a good evening, turned out to be my most unpleasant experience in life.

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With no one to talk to and no boldness to share my experience with anyone, I left his place very early the following morning devastated. That was the last I heard of him as he blocked me off all his social networks and never called again.  I was seriously so ashamed and embarrassed at what happened that I just went home and sat in a hot bathtub for about an hour and crawled into bed just wanting to sleep.  I was seriously sore between my legs, he had been large and I felt like I had been ripped.  I had pretty much washed away any evidence of what had happened and to be honest I am glad I did. I did not want to tell anybody.  I have lived with this secret for all my life and I am nearly 40 years old now,  happily married with two children and living the typical SUV driving Soccer mom lifestyle in the suburbs.

I should have told on him but I didn’t want the permanent stigmata of being the girl who was raped by some creep on the internet.  I am selfish I know, because most likely he has done it to other females and I left it upon on of them to speak up.   However, not a day goes by that I don’t think about it at some point in the day and the rage I feel continually intensifies.  How dare he, it is my body he invaded and I hope he rots in hell!

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