Tag Archives: Breaking Up

The Evil behind Ghosting and the Silent Treatment!

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Once it was called the Silent Treatment, now it is called Ghosting! 

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The definition: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

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EVIL may be a harsh word.  However, it is not harsh enough if you logically contemplate the true dynamics behind the narcissistic loser who does this to you.  Stop for a moment and contemplate the pain and humiliation they KNOW they are deliberately causing you.   Do not mistake any of this for any sort of caring about you!  Trust me, none of this is about trying to further a relationship with you or anything positive at all.

This Silent Treatment is done for a few reasons:  he has met somebody else and wants to keep you on the back burner, he is too much of a coward to break up with you or you have done something to bug him so he is punishing you with this diabolical game in order to put you back in your place and control you again with HIS rules.  Were you too needy with him, well you need to learn you are not that important to him!

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He stands you up for a date, you call repeatedly and he never answers the phone.  You text him “WTF?” and no reply.  After worriedly calling the hospital and jail, you are disappointed to find he is in neither!  You can’t ignore the gut feeling that you have been dumped!

In desperation, your mind races for another possibility.  He dropped his phone in the ocean again while surfing!  He has done that at least four times in the last two months!  Wait, Facebook Messenger, he’s never far from his laptop!  You log on to find that he was active just over an hour ago. He changed his profile photo and you are no longer in it!

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This is too painful to bear.  You have been seeing each other for months, everything was perfect.  You never had to text him first or make plans to hang out.  He couldn’t get enough of you and now he has vanished into thin air!

You feel like you have just been kicked in the stomach.   You cry and text continuously for a good four hours.  Eventually, you calm down and tell your cat:

” I’m seriously acting crazy and making assumptions. So what, one night I can’t get ahold of him and his facebook picture is different.  The world has not ended and of course, I will see him again!  He probably just had a bad day, and what did I do, bombard him with a bunch of needy texts that make me sound like a pathetic psycho! “

Your cat looks at you with a bored expression and also decides to give you the Silent Treatment.

Determined to fix this situation you then text:

“Hey, babe.  So sorry for all the texts.  I thought we had plans tonight and I was completely confused.  Were we supposed to have dinner tonight?  So sorry again for the freakout.  Please call me as soon as you get this message. I  love you and miss you!”

One more hour of silence passes.  Then the ever faithful desperation demon repossesses you once again.  This time bringing on feelings of complete rage and humiliation.   Round two of the texts begin. You hear that boxing bell ring, unfortunately, you are the only one fighting the match!

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“What kind of selfish uncaring cruel excuse for a human does something like this.  You’re are an asshole.  Fuck you and whatever bitch you are fucking right now!’

You really should probably put down that wine bottle at this point.  Your fingers are furiously typing pages and pages filled with anger, sadness, and a desperate plea for a response, any kind of acknowledgment that you have existed in his world.  Why have you been ostracized?

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You frantically promise you will do anything you can to make things right.   You go from complete panic to a brief moment of serenity, followed by some tears and loud wailing.  You accept you have far surpassed flying over the cuckoo’s nest.   You have stopped, landed on it and chased all the other birds out!   You know you have now destroyed any chance of getting him back.

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Still, you don’t stop.  What do you have to lose at this point You blow his phone up until it eventually turns off.  You leave long sobbing messages apologizing profusely on his voicemail (though you have no idea for what?).  You wait a good 20 minutes and then try the “funny memories of the good times” angle.  By the end of the night, you want to just die!  You are helpless, defeated, and heartbroken. Your world as you know it has completely come to an end, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming and frustrating.  Your soul is completely drained of all dignity and happiness,

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Eventually, you pass out, the alcohol didn’t exactly help the nuclear explosion of emotions but at least it put you to sleep.  You wake up with your head literally throbbing, and you lie there for a few minutes groggy and blank.  Then you remember last night. “Noooo…” you mumble.  “Please tell me this is nothing but a terrible dream”! You know it isn’t.

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The battery from your phone is dead, you scramble around for the charger praying he replied and maybe thought the whole thing was cute or funny.  No such luck.  You get to look at your incredibly embarrassing texts and burst into tears.  “What have I done?”.  You decide no more texting if he hears your voice sounding normal it might make him remember the normal you again.  You try to think of the perfect cute sentence to play off the downright creepiness you projected to him last night.

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“I’m so sorry babe.  I drank way too much wine last night and I know I made a complete ass of myself.  I’m so embarrassed, I swear my cat thinks I’m a nutcase,  (awkward laugh).  I was just really worried that something had happened to you and I was missing you so badly.  I love you so much, please call me and let me know that you are okay at least.  I really do love you, bye”.

You put down the phone and feel like a complete loser.  That was not cute or funny, sounded more like an addict begging for their last hit!

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Now you have lost your will to do anything.  You decide to call in sick to work, go back to bed and cry yourself back to sleep.  You don’t wake up until early evening.  Of course, you immediately go for your phone, your heart racing.  You just feel that he called.  But there is nothing no response from him at all.  For the next couple of weeks, you try to tone it down.  Leaving a message every other day, just casually saying  “Hey there, just wanted to say hi and see how your week was going?”.  Never a response.  

You can feel actual physical pain in your chest, you have no appetite, your concentration at work is non-existent and your anxiety just over the roof.  You can’t accept in your head that this is real and keep thinking what happened?  What did I do wrong?  I was one playing hard to get and making him work for me.  He said he loved me, I am such a loser here!

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This situation is extreme, however not uncommon.  When somebody we love ghosts us we are thrown into complete confusion and terrible pain.  We can’t understand why they did that to us and drive ourselves crazy wondering what we did wrong?  And yes, the girl, in this case, sounded like a stalking nut job.  However, one moment she was happily in love and feeling secure in what she thought was a great relationship and the next moment that was all snatched away from her without warning or explanation. As if she wasn’t even worth it and she started to blame herself for “overreacting to the cruel and cowardly behavior of somebody she had no reason to believe would ever do that to her!

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DON’T beat yourself up!  He made you crazy, he was rude and what he did to you was excruciatingly painful!  Clearly, he is one selfish, spineless cowardly excuse for a human.  For somebody to suddenly cut off all contact with another human being they claimed to love as if they were nothing but a Craiglist one night stand… And then guilt-free continue on with their merry life,  feeling triumphant that they had that much power over your emotions is not somebody worth losing any sleep over!

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It’s 2018, by now we are all pretty much chained to our cell phones.  Please do not give this loser the satisfaction of continuing to text him over and over again, trying in vain to get the answer you so desperately want to hear.  You won’t get it!   You don’t need his last thoughts of you to be of a whimpering pathetic desperate nutcase!  I always love it when men have the nerve to call us crazy after they have obviously lied or disappeared and then attempt to twist the truth and put the blame on us.  One big finger up to these jerks!   They need to be put in the straightjacket!

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HE DID IT TO YOU, HE WILL DO IT TO THE NEXT GIRL. PITY HER, BE RELIEVED YOU HAVE ESCAPED!

 

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Sociopaths and Rat Pellets!

Getting over the sociopath or narcissist in your life is hard enough.   Getting rid of them for absolute good can be a nightmare!  Yes, forgiveness is an essential part of healing to free us from the burdens of hate.   However, to “forgive”  simply means to let go of anger.  It does not mean to forget or ever think we have any obligation to ever put ourselves in the pathway of harm again.

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The majority of these monsters will try and turn back up in your life at some point. Miraculously they have of course reformed themselves. They have no!.  They are simply low on resources and looking for ways to refill their honey jar.  And you are just part of the inventory.

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They cannot humanize you any more than you should waste your time trying to humanize them.

Interacting with them again will go great for a VERY short period of time, However,  the moment they see that anything else that threatens the control they think they have regained over you, they will try to destroy it!  To see you happy and without the need of them will engulf them in an overwhelming rage which they will try to disguise for as long as possible under their new mask.

Run as fast as you can! This time the damage will escalate faster and more dangerously than before.  He is not nor ever will be your friend!

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Anytime you engage yourself with this monster again, that freedom you worked so hard for will all have been for nothing!  You are not truly free. 

Your self-esteem no longer rests upon on how they treat you.  Their pathetic attempts to hurt you with the same tired insults are now plain boring!  It’s like wearing a bullet-proof jacket when somebody is shooting a BB gun full of rat pellets at you.  Kind of disgusting, kind of annoying but completely harmless unless you remove that jacket.

Be around normal people again!  Free yourself forever from the invisible cage of crazymaking and gaslighting!   Only then will you start attracting those who are real and have your best interests at heart.  However, watch them flee for the hills if they discover you allow him back around.  Nobody wants to sit and watch a friend self-destruct!

Finally, be very careful when you start dating again!  If you attracted a sociopath or narcissist in the first place, chances are extremely high you will unwittingly attract another!   Take some time to rediscover yourself and regain your self-esteem.   Get therapy if needed, there is absolutely nothing shameful in receiving support.  Don’t dwell on him, but remember the red flags and always go with your gut instinct before giving your heart to somebody else.  Your gut instinct is always right!

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THEY ARE DANGEROUS, DANGEROUS MEN!

 

 

Just Break Up and Want Him Back!

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Hollywood, you really need to stop with the “guy chases after the airplane” plot! You are causing us delusion and brain rot! I do like how the women are always strong enough to walk away, though.  If only real life were so easy!

 Ouch, ouch, ouch.  Your guy ditches you for the prom because he is embarrassed by what his friends think? What a conundrum!  Both Andrew McCarthy and James Spader are in love with you, but neither one of them want to be caught dead with you in your salvation army rejects! Can you imagine if she begged him like a dog to take her to the prom, I guarantee we would never get the benefit of our favorite final scene!

So what do we do when our heart is completely obliterated by some guy?  Can we internally shut him out and just move on to somebody new or do we wait around at home by the phone in tears hoping he will call!  Well, it’s up to you.  How much do you really want him back?  Do you think it’s your fault and or his and know he is a douche, but just don’t care.  All you want is the pain to subside and to get him back.  This time, things will be different…  Maybe they will and maybe they won’t.  Every break up is unique and nobody should judge anybody else because they want don’t want to give up.  If it means that much to you, and he wasn’t abusive then give it a shot.  Don’t listen to your friends. put down that phone and stop obsessively texting him and read the advice below.  It seriously works, I’ve tried it on two different guys.  Once, I got them back however, I wasn’t so sure that I really wanted them anymore.  However, it sure beat the pain of wanting them and not be able to have them.  I know, twisted logic….

Just Break Up?

How to Mend a Broken Heart the Easy Way

By Jenna James

Upon first glance, mending your broken heart seems impossible. After all, you’re dealing with sadness, anger, and desperation that are changing how you live. Everything you’ve known and become accustomed to has turned on its head, AND the one person that you would normally turn to in a moment of crisis is the very person who is causing this pain. So how can you possibly mend your broken heart – yet alone in an easy way?

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You must abandon the mindset that triggers and perpetuate your painful emotions. Relinquish the “couple” mentality. By this, I mean you need to stop thinking as though you are part of a couple and instead see yourself as independent with your own life to worry about.

Think about it… here are some common thoughts that might trigger a familiar sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach:

  • Who will I spend my Friday night with?
  • I have to go alone to Thanksgiving dinner.
  • He/she was always the one I called right after I got out of work.
  • My bedside is empty.
  • Why should I cook dinner if I’m the only one eating it?

The above examples show your thinking in the relationship. Since you’re relationship has ended, having these thoughts remind you of what you don’t possess and rub salt into your broken heart.

In order to heal, you must start thinking like a single person. You’re not missing your “other half.” You’re completely on your own, and you’d like to date your ex again, but you’re not vulnerable because he or she no longer wants to be with you. If you can stop looking at yourself as part of a unit, you’ll put yourself in a position to nurse your broken heart back to health. Otherwise, you’re not allowing yourself to break the cycle in which every memory or routine stings an open wound.

This all sounds great theoretically, but how do you go about doing this? There are many secrets discussed in Bait Him Back, but I’ve included some quick examples below.

It’s vital you cease contact for a substantial amount of time. Nothing perpetuates that “couple’s mentality” more than seeing your ex immediately after your break up. Focus on yourself and your own interests, and that is nearly impossible if you’re hung up on what your ex is doing. Click Here!

For some people, you’ll be surprised at what casual dating can do. Distraction is key. If you sit around in your pajamas all day reminiscing about the good times, you’re impeding your growth. When you eventually make contact, you’ll have nothing to new or exciting to say about yourself.

If your ex asks what you’ve been up to, you can’t say, “I’ve just been missing you.” That’s a total turn off. It’s much more attractive for you to evolve in spite of this setback rather than becoming victim to it. Show him you that you have grown and something about you is different, intriguing. – and your ex will most likely regret their initial decision to break up with you. This is secret to having your ex want to be with you again.

Your heart can be mended and there are specific, easy, proven techniques to do just that. It’s when your mind gets in the way that your heart stays broken.

Claim the free 7-day email series that helps you mend a broken heart and get your ex back by clicking here.

You can also get a proven system to win your ex back. Again, the secret is to get them wanting you back. Learn more by getting one of these courses I highly recommend: Bait Him Back.

Bait Him Back

Are You Making These Top 10 Break Up Mistakes?

By Jenna James

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The ten mistakes below are extremely common, and will almost completely kill your chances of getting your ex back. Undoubtedly you’ve either seen friends make these mistakes or maybe YOU made them in the past.Click Here!

If you manage to avoid the mistakes, you’re chances of mending your broken relationship are pretty damn good.

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1. Panic Contact – This is what happens when you let your distress and shock get the best of you. You don’t know what to do. All you want is to change things back to how they were, rewind time, and fix the problem immediately. So you do the only thing you can think of is try to contact your ex hoping you can reason him back into dating you. And the more you panic, the more you end up instigating damaging contact.

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2. Laying on the Guilt – When begging fails, your next tactic maybe to guilt your ex into staying with you – a bad idea.

Once you start saying things like, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do this,” “I’ve given you so much and this is how you repay me,” and “I knew this would happen, you never were good at relationships,” you’re sending yourself down a dangerous path. This a form of manipulation that will send your ex in the opposite direction you want them to go.

3. Settling for Friendship – You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Your ex most likely loves you as a person, so when you agree to be “just friends,” it’s an excellent solution for him. He or she gets to keep you in his life without dating you. Unfortunately, by demoting yourself to the role of friend, most likely you will end up getting hurt. Instead, you need to set boundaries. Seek out the support of other friends.

Don’t trick yourself into believing that remaining friends is the only way you can keep your ex in your life. You have to let go completely, especially if you want the chance of getting back together in the future. Remember, if you stay friends, you’ll have to be a “good friend” and support your ex when he or she starts dating someone else. Sound painful?

4. Sleeping with Your Ex – So you shouldn’t revise your relationship to not include sex (being friends), but you also shouldn’t reduce your relationship to just sex. Sleeping with your ex is “fun” for you ex, and a big “I hope” for you. But that hope is unlikely to ever pan out.

5. Resorting to Drugs or Alcohol – It may seem like there is no other alternative, but drowning your sorrows in this manner makes you unappealing to your ex and dangerous to yourself. And when you finally come out of it, you’ll feel bad.

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6. Spiraling into Obsession – It’s understandable, you’re hurt. So giving voice to your woes and discussing your ex is okay… to a point. If you’re talking about your ex constantly to anyone who will listen, you’re apt to drive away friends and family members in addition to driving away your ex. It isn’t healthy to obsess. Give your mourning the time it deserves then think happier thoughts.

7. Harassing Your Ex’s Friends – You shouldn’t be in contact with your ex at all in the early stages of your break up. That INCLUDES being in contact with his friends. Sometimes this might suck, but for your sake, it’s the best thing to do.

8. Spying, Stalking, and Anything Creepy – Let the characters in movies do all the spying. You need to focus on yourself and not on what your ex is doing. There is nothing you can do about it. You’re only going to rile yourself up.

9. Gifting Your Ex – You can’t buy your ex back with cute, thoughtful, or expensive gifts. Even if you could, he or wouldn’t be interested in you… just in what you could give.

10. Badmouthing Your Ex – No matter how much you want to drag your ex’s name through the mud for hurting you, 99% of the time it will come back to haunt you. Be an adult about your break up, and save your angry comments for behind closed doors.

These are the things NOT to do. But then what are the things you should be doing?

I reveal dozens of surprisingly simple secretsWant Him Back?

in my courses Bait Him Back. By using just one tip, you’ll increase your chances at getting back together if your situation seems hopeless.

Also, get your free 7-day email training course to win your ex back by clicking here. After you register for free, you’ll get some tips revealed only in my course and be able to get your copy.

How Sally Got Her Ex Boyfriend Back!

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How Sally Got Her Ex Back – And How You Can Too!

By Jenna James

It seemed to just come out of nowhere. Jimmy dumped her. He started his sentence like she’d seen so many times in the movies. “Sally, we need to talk,” he said. It’s just not working out. I think we’d be better off as friends.”

Sally was mortified. She heard the slam of his car door, and his music blare on before he revved his engine and left. Her swallowed tears began to pour. She felt like her life was over.

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She wanted him back desperately. Ever since they began dating, she’d felt as if he was her soul mate, that they’d be together forever. Sure he had his flaws, and she had hers, but at the end of the day they always worked things out. What was she going to do now? Click Here!

She’d seen enough of her friends’ breakups to know that begging him to come back was not the answer. She may have lost Jimmy, but she wasn’t about to lose her pride. So she promised herself that she would not call, text, or email Jimmy – not just yet anyway.

The first thing she did was to call her friend Kate. Kate was always good in situations like this. Kate took her out, and they had a day of pampering. It helped Sally get her mind off of how bad she felt, and Kate pumped her full of much-needed self-confidence.

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Kate was a rational and objective person, and she challenged Sally to really look at the relationship she had with Jimmy. Upon doing so, Sally saw a lot of things that needed working on. She realized that whenever Jimmy did anything that upset her, she’d withhold sex or just give him the silent treatment. Though she was really upset at those times, she realized how unfair she had been. Jimmy had contributed to the falling apart of the relationship too, but she now understood how he might have come to feel the way he did.

Though these insights didn’t make up for her sadness, she now understood what went wrong and was in a position to work on herself in order to get her ex boyfriend back. By knowing where she could improve, she could identify clear steps as to what she should do next.

There was no time for moping around; she had to learn how to deal with her anger better, and she could practice her communication skills with her family and friends. She had to stay positive, and for the moment she had to make the most of being on her own. After all, Jimmy wasn’t moping.

In addition to practicing her communication skills, she also started taking yoga classes and went out with her friends on the weekends. She’d forgotten how much fun her friends could be. She listened to some of them go on about their tumultuous relationships and to others ranting about their latest dating debacles.

She also noticed all of the attention she was getting from other guys – guys that weren’t Jimmy, and it made her feel sexy and coveted. She still desperately wanted Jimmy back, but it was nice to know that other men found her attractive. There wasn’t something wrong with her because she’d been dumped.

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One night she was out with a couple of friends, and Jimmy came walking into the restaurant with another girl. At first, she was heated. “How could he?” But once she calmed down, she realized it was okay. She felt good enough in her own skin that she didn’t care how he reacted to her.

It turned out, however, that seeing her out had inspired Jimmy to call her. “Wow, you look really good,” he said. When she asked him who he was out with the night before, he answered, “Oh, just some girl.” She could tell that he wasn’t serious about this woman like she initially expected when he walked into the restaurant.

She was surprised to learn from an article she had read, that guys don’t take dating as seriously as girls. For a guy, a date is a date… and nothing more. He’s not hoping for it to become a relationship, and he’s certainly not emotionally attached to the girl after one or two dates. She liked the analogy Kate gave her. Guys tend to test drive a lot of cars whereas girls drive one and get their hearts set on it without even seeing what else is out there. And that’s exactly what Jimmy was doing.

He ended up asking Sally if she wanted to go out somewhere the next weekend. She agreed. They went out to dinner and talked lightly about what had been going on. They joked around with each other, and the energy between them seemed relaxed and comfortable.

She didn’t mind that they hadn’t been together for those few months because she was able to do a lot of things that she wouldn’t have if she’d been dating Jimmy. He seemed impressed and interested when she shared her recent exploits with him.

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As the night came to a close, Jimmy asked her if she wanted to go upstairs to his apartment; but Sally, knowing better, declined. She said she had to get back home, but she’d like to do this again sometime. Jimmy seemed a little disappointed, but he smiled and agreed, and his gaze lingered on her as she turned to walk to her car.

Ultimately, Sally and Jimmy ended up getting back together. Sally felt good about the relationship because she had gotten it back on her terms. She didn’t feel insecure that Jimmy was going to leave her again. Instead, she felt grateful for the time she had on her own. She’d learned a lot about herself and what their relationship had been lacking.

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When they finally got back together, they worked on those weak points, and now their relationship was stronger than ever. If you were to ask her now if she regretted that painful time in her life, she’d answer no. She believes that without it, they would not have had the chance to work out the kinks that existed before. She’d tell you that because she remained strong and positive during their break up and didn’t succumb to desperate measures, she was now happy and secure… and Jimmy was pretty happy himself.

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