Tag Archives: Abusive Men

Sociopaths and Rat Pellets!

Getting over the sociopath or narcissist in your life is hard enough.   Getting rid of them for absolute good can be a nightmare!  Yes, forgiveness is an essential part of healing to free us from the burdens of hate.   However, to “forgive”  simply means to let go of anger.  It does not mean to forget or ever think we have any obligation to ever put ourselves in the pathway of harm again.

images

The majority of these monsters will try and turn back up in your life at some point. Miraculously they have of course reformed themselves. They have no!.  They are simply low on resources and looking for ways to refill their honey jar.  And you are just part of the inventory.

Man With White Mascara And Bloody Shirt Holds Red Rose

They cannot humanize you any more than you should waste your time trying to humanize them.

Interacting with them again will go great for a VERY short period of time, However,  the moment they see that anything else that threatens the control they think they have regained over you, they will try to destroy it!  To see you happy and without the need of them will engulf them in an overwhelming rage which they will try to disguise for as long as possible under their new mask.

Run as fast as you can! This time the damage will escalate faster and more dangerously than before.  He is not nor ever will be your friend!

man.GIF

Anytime you engage yourself with this monster again, that freedom you worked so hard for will all have been for nothing!  You are not truly free. 

Your self-esteem no longer rests upon on how they treat you.  Their pathetic attempts to hurt you with the same tired insults are now plain boring!  It’s like wearing a bullet-proof jacket when somebody is shooting a BB gun full of rat pellets at you.  Kind of disgusting, kind of annoying but completely harmless unless you remove that jacket.

Be around normal people again!  Free yourself forever from the invisible cage of crazymaking and gaslighting!   Only then will you start attracting those who are real and have your best interests at heart.  However, watch them flee for the hills if they discover you allow him back around.  Nobody wants to sit and watch a friend self-destruct!

Finally, be very careful when you start dating again!  If you attracted a sociopath or narcissist in the first place, chances are extremely high you will unwittingly attract another!   Take some time to rediscover yourself and regain your self-esteem.   Get therapy if needed, there is absolutely nothing shameful in receiving support.  Don’t dwell on him, but remember the red flags and always go with your gut instinct before giving your heart to somebody else.  Your gut instinct is always right!

socio-4

THEY ARE DANGEROUS, DANGEROUS MEN!

 

 

Advertisements

Nightmare Lover

It was not love in his eyes....

I was just fifteen years old when I graduated from high school, I felt on top of the world. I am a brilliant and beautiful girl with the hope of a bright future. I cleared my examination with distinctions. My parents were so proud of me that they fulfilled their age-long promise on my graduation ceremony.

teenager-1887364_1920

I had this unexplainable joy as I open the parcel, my parents, Mr. and Mrs.  Johnson gave me, my joy knew no bound when I realize it was an iPhone 7 and not just any phone, it was the latest smartphone in town, and an iPod inclusive. As I scrutinized the phone with my hands and eyes, words of appreciations were running out of my mouth to my parents. There and then I told myself, “Doris Johnson, you have arrived!”

You might not understand the reason behind my unspeakable joy, but for me, it was a dream come true. As a high school student, I had been seeing some of my colleague with smartphones with their new found social media hobby, but my parents were firm on their decision not to get one for me until I gained admission into College. But my achievements made them fulfill their promise earlier before time.

Immediately I got my phone, I started learning how to handle the phone, and I began downloading a different application on my phone. It got more interesting after downloading some social media apps like Facebook and WhatsApp. Those were the two I started off with then. At the beginning I had few friends on my Facebook username, most were my school mate and church members, and I was cool with the few likes and comment on my post and pictures.

Not long after I was given this phone, my parent was already complaining of my phone addiction, but thank God my college admission to a prestigious school in the country save me from my parent regular scrutiny. Free like a bird you will say, yes I felt like someone without burden.

On getting to school, yes I was a serious student and I always study, and my phone was my best friend and amazingly my friend list on Facebook was running to thousands and as I post any updates or pictures, comment and likes were flooding in, I loved I, so it became a daily routine to post new pictures on Facebook and other social media platform like Instagram, Twitter, BBM and WhatsApp.

I began to make new friends on his social media, we chat for long hours, and interestingly, I felt connected to some of my social media friends. There was Charles, Tony, Braham, Fred and John; those were the top five on my list. Yes, they were all Guys, what do you expect from a pretty young teenager like me? They all made me feel like I am more than this Doris Johnson and who does not like feeling cool with herself.

Apart from this five that caught my fancy, there were still others that really wanted my attention, but I ignored them. Don’t get it twisted; I am just an innocent girl determined to succeed, with minimal social life in the physical but social network, I am all over it. At age eighteen, I was still single with a lot of suitors, but I refused to give in because I was determined on waiting for Mr. Right.

But, there is this Charles, the one guy I can wake up in the middle of the night to chat with, I just so liked him even though am yet to see him in person. He was my number one.

I remembered we became friends on Facebook 2013; he was always the first person to like and comment and share my pictures. I observed this trend for some time, this prompt me to go through his profile on Facebook, he was a very handsome guy with a fair complexion, I couldn’t take my eyes off his pictures as if that was not enough he works with a popular multinational company in the state. One afternoon my phone beeped, lo and beheld it was the almighty Charles saying hi for the first time, I was so delighted as I replied his messages and one thing led to the other, we became constant chat mate, and soon the Facebook platform was not enough for us. We shared phone contact, hooked up on Instagram, WhatsApp, Skype, IMO, and BBM.

handsome-blond-man

It was like I have known him forever, I could tell him everything and anything without reservation; my feelings, my weakness, strength, in fact, he knew all the names of every guy that ever asked me out, he was my confidence and my counselor. I never bothered if he was as open to me as I was, I was just satisfied that he was always there when I needed him and that was all that count.

I needed not to be told that my relationship with Charles was more than friendship but I refuse to accept, or I choose to turn blind eyes to it. While communicating we use different intimate emoji, and sweet words to compliment each other.

After few year of intimate relationship online, we were no longer satisfied with the video chat on Skype; he wanted to see each other. He complained of his busy schedules and weekend activities and pleaded with me to come see him in his Station.

I was a bit skeptical about it initially, considering my background and principal never to run after guys, but my personal judgment of him took the better part of me. I told myself, after all, he is a nice guy, and I have known him for approximately three years. Then I began to nurse different excuses for him, to justify my going to see him and soon I concluded within myself to visit him in this station.

He was so happy when I told him I was coming to see him over the weekend, so he sent me a huge sum of money and instructed me to use part for my transport and use the remain for personal use. That was not his first time of sending me money, though.

After Lectures on Friday afternoon, I left the school premises and boarded a vehicle to a place had never been before to see Charles. I arrived safely, and to my surprise, he was already at the park waiting for me. He looked better than the pictures. He hugged me, and this strange sensation passed through me, at this point I was so in love with this guy. He was so calm and gentle, we exchanged pleasantries, and he led me to his vehicle. We didn’t go to his apartment straight away; rather he took me out, it was like we were on a date. From the lavished evening three-course meal at a very sophisticated restaurant in town to the cinema. I felt like a princess as he gazed at me so sharply in admiration. The evening went so well with a lot of fun and laughter, and finally, he drove me to his apartment around 10:00 pm.

pexels-photo-247287

I have never spent a night at a guys place before, so I felt a little bit uncomfortable but was trying my best to feel at home. His apartment was a spacious and everything was in order. At first glance, I could say it had a touch of a lady, but I ignored the thought.

He dropped his phone on the table as he prepared to shower. He asked me if I will do the same, but I said: “later.”

As he was in the shower, his phone rang and something huge me closer to his phone, and what I saw hit me like a hammer “my love” was calling with a picture of both of them on the screen, I felt like am dreaming, I was still trying to convince myself that there must be a mistake somewhere when a WhatsApp message popped up on the saying “how is the preparation for our next month engagement.”? I was so devastated and disappointed in myself that I could not contain it.

When he came out of the shower, he noticed my countenance and was pressurizing me to open up to him. He picked up his phone, opened it and kept acting normal. At this point I could not take the heat, so I voiced out and spilled out my discovery.

 

rape-1

Like I earlier stated he knew everything about me and he knew I don’t give betrayal a second chance. He came closer to me tried to touch me as he apologized, but I pushed his hands away. Suddenly, what seems to be apology turned violent. He held my two hands, telling he loved me, he tried to kiss me, and I was shaking my head. Before I could say JACK, I don’t know what heat my face; he pinned me down to the cushion with his broad chest and his lip and tongue all over my face and neck; it was so disgusting.

face-1618921_1280

As I struggled to free myself from his grip, he yanked my cloth off, possessed my body, as I attempted screaming, he forced the yanked cloth inside my mouth, and I was so helpless. I began to plead with my eyes and with everything in me, but he wouldn’t stop. Then the worst happen as he thrusts in and pushes it to deep inside my V without mercy, he was the devil himself. It was the most painful experience as I felt it in all my bone and marrow, I wept uncontrollably, but the deed was done.

0cf45edf97fc1014a84d8e1a5374964bdf6c05a356a552752f4ef28285460b29

I was too weak to react; I was just weeping as I wrapped myself in my torn cloth. I could not leave his apartment in the dead of the night. There and then he started apologizing that he did it because he loved me and can’t avoid to lose me; I felt like seeing a gun to shot him and myself, but I was so scared to react. What seems like a good evening, turned out to be my most unpleasant experience in life.

pexels-photo-197288

With no one to talk to and no boldness to share my experience with anyone, I left his place very early the following morning devastated. That was the last I heard of him as he blocked me off all his social networks and never called again.  I was seriously so ashamed and embarrassed at what happened that I just went home and sat in a hot bathtub for about an hour and crawled into bed just wanting to sleep.  I was seriously sore between my legs, he had been large and I felt like I had been ripped.  I had pretty much washed away any evidence of what had happened and to be honest I am glad I did. I did not want to tell anybody.  I have lived with this secret for all my life and I am nearly 40 years old now,  happily married with two children and living the typical SUV driving Soccer mom lifestyle in the suburbs.

I should have told on him but I didn’t want the permanent stigmata of being the girl who was raped by some creep on the internet.  I am selfish I know, because most likely he has done it to other females and I left it upon on of them to speak up.   However, not a day goes by that I don’t think about it at some point in the day and the rage I feel continually intensifies.  How dare he, it is my body he invaded and I hope he rots in hell!

woman-425106