The Commitment Phobe
This is a basic course on how to recognize the men of our nightmares before they become our nightmares! For now, I will leave out the date rapists, serial killers, and those who like to expose themselves in zoos or churches. These are the more common breed of beasts you maybe be dating or even married to. They can very quickly demolish your life, heart, and sense of self if you miss the signs.
When you recognize a Nightmare Man, never look back! Run screaming for the hills and don’t stop, for any reason. A Jimmy Choo heel caught in the bushes is no excuse! Sacrifice it, before you sacrifice your sanity. Let’s brush up on this trio of terror!
This lazy conniving vampire will target you for sure.
His Favorite Victim Formula
- Financial Resources
He will dehumanize you and feed off you like a parasite. And don’t even fret about him leaving! He will try to manipulate you with the silent treatment, disappearing acts, crazy-making and gas lighting. However, so long as you are providing, he is taking
His favorite benefits:
control, material goods, free accommodation, and satisfaction to his ego. Plus one very essential component. You will need to provide a cover for him to pass off as a normal trustworthy human being. He doesn’t want all the responsibilities that come along with that. How else will he indulge in his addictions, commonly drug abuse, gambling, stealing, sexual etc.., His agenda is ultimately selfish and ruthless. Trying to look for any real humanity in him is like trying to find a Gucci purse in Walmart!. The good news is that he can only fake it with his current circle of people for so long. Sociopaths very rarely have any control over their behavior. They are impulsive, tending to blow their own game before anybody else can. And whatever he says, please do give into the old “You are the crazy one” line! Just compare how many crimes have you committed and been put in jail for and how many he has. Makes it pretty easy to determine who the real nut job is!
The sociopath will of course “love bomb” you in the beginning. like all nightmare men do. That is what makes them so dangerous because they have gotten so good at their act, it’s easy to miss the signs. If the attention and phone calls are a little over the top at the beginning, take that as a definite RED FLAG! Do not get blinded by the flattery! He will use methods to make you feel like you are more important to him than oxygen. Do not let your guard down with men who do this until you truly know who you are dealing with.
Sociopaths will also mirror you (basically imitate you, if were adopted, then so was he), copy your body language etc… Give you some sob story about his life and try to find out as many of your sensitive areas as he can pretend to be sympathetic to them and use them against you later. I actually wonder if there is a handbook for sociopaths because they all use close to the same formula. How do they know the same steps to follow?
Anyway, beware this individual has NO FEELINGS except possible self-pity for his own pain and emptiness. However, never for yours! Sociopaths are very jealous, they even envy the fact that we can feel and they cannot. He will charm you, lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you and possibly worse. There are many different types of sociopaths and different degrees of their evil. Even the type categorized at the least harmful IS HARMFUL!
REMEMBER you CAN’T CHANGE OR CURE THEM! You are dealing with a DEMON who cannot feel any empathy and enjoys watching you suffer. Most likely he has some sort of severe addiction – drugs, alcohol or gambling. Do not feel sympathy, he will look at this as yet one more opportunity to screw you over!
Feeling sorry for a sociopath is like feeling sorry for Richard Ramirez (the Night Stalker) bumping his knee as he crawled through somebody’s window to murder them.
The Commitment Phobe
Yet again here comes the overwhelming romantic attention. Yep, we all love it, but remember with this one the hunt is all on so make sure you give this one a good chase before he goes Houdini on you. He will smother you with attention, act cute and vulnerable and you will be the center of his world. That is until he has you! GAME OVER! Now he will freak out and no longer want you.
Compare it to a cat chasing a mouse, finally gets his claws on the poor creature and then gets anxiety on what he is supposed to do with it. The mouse will end up very upset, and then end up chasing the cat to try and question why her time and energy was wasted running in the first place. The mouse is wasting her breath as she will never get a straight answer!
When the CP has had enough of toying with you, that charming considerate guy will abruptly disappear. The best warning you can get when this is about to happen is that things will be going really well. You feel closer than ever to him. He will then start being very elusive, not returning your calls and doing things to upset you to make you break up with him. He can’t even commit to that! You are totally confused and text him more and end up feeling like a crazy pathetic stalker for communicating the same way you did with him before.
So do what he wants! BREAK UP WITH HIM! The harder you try to work things out with him, the faster he will run. And you will be left feeling even worse. It can be a very heartbreaking experience but there is one thing that at least can be saved and that is your dignity! There is a reason why he left.
The cold hard truth is that he is BORED with you and things were becoming too relationship like. He always feels that there is a “better” woman around the corner and with his freedom feeling challenged, that jeopardizes his chances of getting her. He is already on a new hunt, and too wishy-washy to deal with cleaning up the mess of his previous conquest, which would be you. He will without warning avoid you or start picking on your flaws and leave you shocked and with a broken heart.
Commitment Phobe = Coward + Selfish + A Little Lost Boy!
The commitment-phobe, I believe is a form of a sociopath. A sociopath is incurable in his disorder, a CP can get help, should he want it. Very rarely he will. He likes his life the way it is and he will do the same thing to this next girl he has left you for. She still won’t be good enough, what if somebody better than her comes around! He is somewhat evil in my opinion in the fact that he knows he is going to dump you from the beginning. Of course, he won’t tell you that because why would you want even want to go out with him! I think that is particularly cruel and very premeditating.
Towards the end, his cowardly way of trying to get rid of you should make him seem a lot less attractive. You look for some kind of compassion from him but all you will get is annoyance and avoidance. A very selfish and using individual. He has mommy issues or some woman hurt him so badly he can NEVER RECOVER! Don’t feel sorry for this one either, he actually is able to feel, so in a way makes him even worse than the sociopath. Because he actually understands what pain feels like!
It’s all about them! The over-inflated egos, the strong sense of self-entitlement, and the overwhelming need for the admiration of others. They are flaky, prone to throw temper tantrums, use and abuse people around them. Plus, they love to sit on their high horse and be very judgemental of others.
Ironically, their self-esteem is pretty much wrecked. Thus, have to feed on the flattery of others to keep feeling good about themselves. You want to keep this guy, you better stay aboard the Love Boat with the special guest star being just himself! Because the moment you question his magnificence you are going to get the cold shoulder. He will only ever want to talk about himself, and what concerns him. You will be lucky to ever be heard. You better do what he wants and follow along like his little puppet or you may be greeted with the silent treatment or some other rotten form of emotional or physical abuse. I personally enjoy a relationship that involves two people, some sort of mutual benefit. Fortunately, I have yet to date a narcissist and if I accidentally did, it would grow old real fast. Hello, it’s supposed to be all about me! Where does he get the nerve thinking he can interrupt my glory, now!
All jokes aside, notice that all three of these men tend to overlap each other in certain ways. They are always on the hunt for a victim and will seek you out if you are not emotionally and mentally armed. Thankfully, all three are too lazy and cowardly to even bother trying if you are!