Category Archives: Dating

The Evil behind Ghosting and the Silent Treatment!

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Once it was called the Silent Treatment, now it is called Ghosting! 

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The definition: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

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EVIL may be a harsh word.  However, it is not harsh enough if you logically contemplate the true dynamics behind the narcissistic loser who does this to you.  Stop for a moment and contemplate the pain and humiliation they KNOW they are deliberately causing you.   Do not mistake any of this for any sort of caring about you!  Trust me, none of this is about trying to further a relationship with you or anything positive at all.

This Silent Treatment is done for a few reasons:  he has met somebody else and wants to keep you on the back burner, he is too much of a coward to break up with you or you have done something to bug him so he is punishing you with this diabolical game in order to put you back in your place and control you again with HIS rules.  Were you too needy with him, well you need to learn you are not that important to him!

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He stands you up for a date, you call repeatedly and he never answers the phone.  You text him “WTF?” and no reply.  After worriedly calling the hospital and jail, you are disappointed to find he is in neither!  You can’t ignore the gut feeling that you have been dumped!

In desperation, your mind races for another possibility.  He dropped his phone in the ocean again while surfing!  He has done that at least four times in the last two months!  Wait, Facebook Messenger, he’s never far from his laptop!  You log on to find that he was active just over an hour ago. He changed his profile photo and you are no longer in it!

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This is too painful to bear.  You have been seeing each other for months, everything was perfect.  You never had to text him first or make plans to hang out.  He couldn’t get enough of you and now he has vanished into thin air!

You feel like you have just been kicked in the stomach.   You cry and text continuously for a good four hours.  Eventually, you calm down and tell your cat:

” I’m seriously acting crazy and making assumptions. So what, one night I can’t get ahold of him and his facebook picture is different.  The world has not ended and of course, I will see him again!  He probably just had a bad day, and what did I do, bombard him with a bunch of needy texts that make me sound like a pathetic psycho! “

Your cat looks at you with a bored expression and also decides to give you the Silent Treatment.

Determined to fix this situation you then text:

“Hey, babe.  So sorry for all the texts.  I thought we had plans tonight and I was completely confused.  Were we supposed to have dinner tonight?  So sorry again for the freakout.  Please call me as soon as you get this message. I  love you and miss you!”

One more hour of silence passes.  Then the ever faithful desperation demon repossesses you once again.  This time bringing on feelings of complete rage and humiliation.   Round two of the texts begin. You hear that boxing bell ring, unfortunately, you are the only one fighting the match!

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“What kind of selfish uncaring cruel excuse for a human does something like this.  You’re are an asshole.  Fuck you and whatever bitch you are fucking right now!’

You really should probably put down that wine bottle at this point.  Your fingers are furiously typing pages and pages filled with anger, sadness, and a desperate plea for a response, any kind of acknowledgement that you have existed in his world.  Why have you been ostracized?

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You frantically promise you will do anything you can to make things right.   You go from complete panic to a brief moment of serenity, followed by some tears and loud wailing.  You accept you have far surpassed flying over the cuckoo’s nest.   You have stopped, landed on it and chased all the other birds out!   You know you have now destroyed any chance of getting him back.

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Still, you don’t stop.  What do you have to lose at this point You blow his phone up until it eventually turns off.  You leave long sobbing messages apologizing profusely on his voicemail (though you have no idea for what?).  You wait a good 20 minutes and then try the “funny memories of the good times” angle.  By the end of the night, you want to just die!  You are helpless, defeated, and heartbroken. Your world as you know it has completely come to an end, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming and frustrating.  Your soul is completely drained of all dignity and happiness,

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Eventually, you pass out, the alcohol didn’t exactly help the nuclear explosion of emotions but at least it put you to sleep.  You wake up with your head literally throbbing, and you lie there for a few minutes groggy and blank.  Then you remember last night. “Noooo…” you mumble.  “Please tell me this is nothing but a terrible dream”! You know it isn’t.

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The battery from your phone is dead, you scramble around for the charger praying he replied and maybe thought the whole thing was cute or funny.  No such luck.  You get to look at your incredibly embarrassing texts and burst into tears.  “What have I done?”.  You decide no more texting if he hears your voice sounding normal it might make him remember the normal you again.  You try to think of the perfect cute sentence to play off the downright creepiness you projected to him last night.

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“I’m so sorry babe.  I drank way too much wine last night and I know I made a complete ass of myself.  I’m so embarrassed, I swear my cat thinks I’m a nutcase,  (awkward laugh).  I was just really worried that something had happened to you and I was missing you so badly.  I love you so much, please call me and let me know that you are okay at least.  I really do love you, bye”.

You put down the phone and feel like a complete loser.  That was not cute or funny, sounded more like an addict begging for their last hit!

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Now you have lost your will to do anything.  You decide to call in sick to work, go back to bed and cry yourself back to sleep.  You don’t wake up until early evening.  Of course, you immediately go for your phone, your heart racing.  You just feel that he called.  But there is nothing no response from him at all.  For the next couple of weeks, you try to tone it down.  Leaving a message every other day, just casually saying  “Hey there, just wanted to say hi and see how your week was going?”.  Never a response.  

You can feel actual physical pain in your chest, you have no appetite, your concentration at work is non-existent and your anxiety just over the roof.  You can’t accept in your head that this is real and keep thinking what happened?  What did I do wrong?  I was one playing hard to get and making him work for me.  He said he loved me, I am such a loser here!

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This situation is extreme, however not uncommon.  When somebody we love ghosts us we are thrown into complete confusion and terrible pain.  We can’t understand why they did that to us and drive ourselves crazy wondering what we did wrong?  And yes, the girl, in this case, sounded like a stalking nut job.  However, one moment she was happily in love and feeling secure in what she thought was a great relationship and the next moment that was all snatched away from her without warning or explanation. As if she wasn’t even worth it and she started to blame herself for “overreacting to the cruel and cowardly behavior of somebody she had no reason to believe would ever do that to her!

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DON’T beat yourself up!  He made you crazy, he was rude and what he did to you was excruciatingly painful!  Clearly, he is one selfish, spineless cowardly excuse for a human.  For somebody to suddenly cut off all contact with another human being they claimed to love as if they were nothing but a Craiglist one night stand… And then guilt-free continues on with their merry life,  feeling triumphant that they had that much power over your emotions is not somebody worth losing any sleep over!

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It’s 2018, by now we are all pretty much chained to our cell phones.  Please do not give this loser the satisfaction of continuing to text him over and over again, trying in vain to get the answer you so desperately want to hear.  You won’t get it!   You don’t need his last thoughts of you to be of a whimpering pathetic desperate nutcase!  I always love it when men have the nerve to call us crazy after they have obviously lied or disappeared and then attempt to twist the truth and put the blame on us.  One big finger up to these jerks!   They need to be put in the straightjacket!

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Now wipe off those mascara caked cheeks!  Why not have a little fun as you get him out of your heart and mind.  You may or may not break his heart, but you will certainly damage his ego!  To be continued…..

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HE DID IT TO YOU, HE WILL DO IT TO THE NEXT GIRL. PITY HER, BE RELIEVED YOU HAVE ESCAPED!

 

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Sociopaths and Rat Pellets!

Getting over the sociopath or narcissist in your life is hard enough.   Getting rid of them for absolute good can be a nightmare!  Yes, forgiveness is an essential part of healing to free us from the burdens of hate.   However, to “forgive”  simply means to let go of anger.  It does not mean to forget or ever think we have any obligation to ever put ourselves in the pathway of harm again.

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The majority of these monsters will try and turn back up in your life at some point. Miraculously they have of course reformed themselves. They have no!.  They are simply low on resources and looking for ways to refill their honey jar.  And you are just part of the inventory.

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They cannot humanize you any more than you should waste your time trying to humanize them.

Interacting with them again will go great for a VERY short period of time, However,  the moment they see that anything else that threatens the control they think they have regained over you, they will try to destroy it!  To see you happy and without the need of them will engulf them in an overwhelming rage which they will try to disguise for as long as possible under their new mask.

Run as fast as you can! This time the damage will escalate faster and more dangerously than before.  He is not nor ever will be your friend!

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Anytime you engage yourself with this monster again, that freedom you worked so hard for will all have been for nothing!  You are not truly free. 

Your self-esteem no longer rests upon on how they treat you.  Their pathetic attempts to hurt you with the same tired insults are now plain boring!  It’s like wearing a bullet-proof jacket when somebody is shooting a BB gun full of rat pellets at you.  Kind of disgusting, kind of annoying but completely harmless unless you remove that jacket.

Be around normal people again!  Free yourself forever from the invisible cage of crazymaking and gaslighting!   Only then will you start attracting those who are real and have your best interests at heart.  However, watch them flee for the hills if they discover you allow him back around.  Nobody wants to sit and watch a friend self-destruct!

Finally, be very careful when you start dating again!  If you attracted a sociopath or narcissist in the first place, chances are extremely high you will unwittingly attract another!   Take some time to rediscover yourself and regain your self-esteem.   Get therapy if needed, there is absolutely nothing shameful in receiving support.  Don’t dwell on him, but remember the red flags and always go with your gut instinct before giving your heart to somebody else.  Your gut instinct is always right!

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THEY ARE DANGEROUS, DANGEROUS MEN!

 

 

Revenge on the Sociopath is a waste of energy!

Dating a Sociopath

If Sociopath’s focused their energy into positive constructive pastimes they could be very successful. However, the majority of the time, due to poor impulse control, lack of long term planning and their desire to be in control and to win, things usually go awry within a short space of time.

One common feeling for victims of sociopaths, is a sense of betrayal and injustice. Inside there is a need to get ‘even’ or to seek revenge. The desire to make the sociopath ‘pay’ or understand how it ‘feels’.

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Usually this approach towards the Sociopath will backfire (although admittedly sometimes fate or karma can come into play, and you might be lucky enough to watch). The majority of the time, if you try to get revenge on the Sociopath it will backfire on you spectacularly.

It can feel very unfair that somebody has treated you in this way can get away…

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10 Things to Remember about Prince Charming!

1.  A Man is an Accessory, not a Necessity!

We really don’t need them! They are often just really great additions to the outfit we happen to be wearing that day.  Just like that dress, you have that looks super plain without the pearls, but add that necklace to liven up your look.  Best thing is that you can take it off at the end of the day!man-1962611_1920

2.  Men are like Bloodhounds!

They can smell desperation a mile away!  Well, we all knew they were dogs, no surprise there…

3.  Mr “Not that Bad” can quickly turn into “Mr. I Have to Have”!

So weird how that happens!  When he gives up and stops paying you attention he suddenly turns from Danny Devito to Bradley Cooper!

4.  Emotional Baggage + Low Self Esteem+ Being Victim = Scaring off  Mr.  Right!

I’m not so great at math, but my theory to getting what you want from men can always be broken down into various formulas, not getting much more complicated than simple addition and subtraction.

5. Stay away from Mr. Might!

Um, yeah you are in control.  You deserve way better than to deal with Mr. Wishy Washy, “Maybe, Tonight, We’ll  See”,  It’s all about my time, selfish, egotistical jerk!.

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6.  Stop any date if he ignores your cat or doesn’t bother to ask their names!

This is undesirable behavior.  If you notice even so much as a raised eyebrow when you tell him over dinner that you have seven cats, the date is over!  Stand up, push the table at him and throw that expensive glass of wine in his face.  Obviously, he has some serious issues Also report him to the ASPCA as you Uber home.

7. Wake up next to Mr. I Must Do, not I Mr. Don’t Trust You!

If after a few too many Long Island Ice Teas, you end up waking up alone and naked in a sleazy motel room with a missing wallet it, might be time to go to AA.  Especially, after you remember you were on a perfectly great date with a gorgeous guy, who was considerate enough to go get the car so you wouldn’t have to walk, but your drunken behind accidentally got into the wrong car with the twin of that creepy little man off “Human Centipede II”…  a disaster like that could cure the hardest of alcoholics of drinking for life!

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8. Don’t waste your time with a man who won’t apologize!

So lame, when they come back pretending like nothing went wrong and everything is the same.  They won’t talk about the problem and you get so frustrated because it is never solved AND IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!  Lose this loser!

9. Never Feel Sorry for a Sociopath!

No Mercy!  Finish Him! (NOT SEXUALLY!).  Have you not seen the “Karate Kid”?

10. Commitment Phobe = Pain Premeditator + User + Coward

Again with the math!  Let’s hope he doesn’t break a toe as he runs away from you wearing his little girl dress and tap dancing shoes.  So sexy.  Find a man with some balls!

 

10 Awkward Online Dating Disasters!

It happens, but try to avoid these scenarios or get out as soon as you can.  It just going to get more awkward!

1.  The Date You Didn’t Want

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Oops!  You got a name and a number confused with your online dating prospects.  Think you are talking to one guy but actually to another!  Plan C guy knocks at the door.  He barely made it on the list and was right at the bottom.  You are even less attracted to him in person.  He seems like a nice person, but better to just be honest with him than give him false hope. It’s the hardest thing to say, but far less cruel than ghosting him later.

2. The Super Hot Guy Trying to Get Laid

Okay so you open the door and this guy stands before you who is just drop dead gorgeous. You are like OMG!  Try to compose yourself as he not just devastatingly handsome, but he is charming too.   He doesn’t wait very long to make his move,  your brain, and common sense are in the off mode and it’s been so long you forgot!

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After the deed is done, you hear the famous line “I’ll call ya”.  And he disappears off into the night never to be seen again! Now come on, you this was coming and if you are okay with it, more power to you.  But, if you are not- JUST SAY NO!  Because he is after one thing and if he sees he’s not going to get it – the date is going to end very soon with some lame excuse about how he is super tired at 9pm.

3. The Creepy Texter

Admit it, you were lazy and only barely checked out his profile. One cute profile picture along with a message that said”Hi beautiful, I would love to get know you “was enough to impulsively send him your number

He sounds really nice and then all of a sudden his texts turn weird.  He is all about conspiracy theory, survivalists, hiding in bushes, thinks he has a problem with werewolves in his trees.

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The messages get more and more bizarre and at this point, you are freaked out. After actually reading his profile, you consider either changing states or countries!  READ PROFILES before you give out your phone number.  It’s way too easy for weirdos to track you down these days!

4. The Constant Texter

So you did read his profile this time, saw pictures of him with his arm around his sister, and he seems so sweet and normal.  You text back and forth for a bit, he is very attentive and you are flattered!  You are getting tired and politely say good night. However, the incoming text ring keeps going off incessantly!.

By the time you wake up in the morning, your phone is completely dead and when you turn it back on you have a myriad of essays texted to you that make “War and Peace” look like a short story!

As you start skimming through pages and pages of messages with way too many “lol’s, rows of emoticons, question marks as to why you are not replying, links to his facebook and twitter followed by links to every member of his families facebook and their twitters,  you completely weirded out as you should be.

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And just when you think it’s safe to continue charging your phone – another text comes through saying “Are you awake?”.  DO NOT RESPOND AND CHANGE YOUR NUMBER!

5.  The Reminder of your Ex

Okay, how weird right?  You are trying to get over your ex.  Out there, forcing yourself to date and then you happen to meet a guy online that kinda looks and sounds just like him. Just REMEMBER THAT EX did not work out so well and the universe can work in very strange ways!

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You will often keep attracting that same kind of guy that broke your heart unless you change something within you.    Stay away from anybody who is going to trigger and remind you of any kind of pain from the past.  Even if he is a nice guy, you are going to be constantly pissed off at him because your brain is going to confuse some little thing he does, with some catastrophic painful incident thrown at you by ex-jerk off!

6. The Guy who Wants Photos of the Goods in Advance

Ewwwe!!!  Does this guy ever get them?  And even classier when he sends you photos of his goods before you meet him.   Would he like it if some did that to his mother?

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7. The Guy Who Never Asks You any Questions about Yourself

Ever had that experience?  The guy who is so literally elated and excited to talk about himself and every trophy he has won since the boy scouts!  Later, you recall the conversation and wonder – does this idiot even know my name?

8. The Guy Who Never tells you Anything about Himself

Ding! Cheating on his wife or girlfriend!  Patrolling the internet for women he can put on a show on for but will run as soon as he has to prove anything.  So much fun being on a date with somebody angrily glaring at their cell phone while constantly texting!  When he eventually excuses himself to take the call, grab all the free bread and quickly exit!

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9. The Guy who Gives you that Bad Feeling in your Stomach

You have absolutely no idea why.  His manners are impeccable.  He is a perfect gentleman. He seems sweet and kind.  He even owns his own cat rescue organization!  But something about him is giving you the jitters.  What is it, does he remind you of a young handsome Ted Bundy?  Don’t even waste your time playing private investigator! You know what they say, always trust your gut instinct.  It truly is there for a reason!

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10. The Guy that is Just Not Into You

Anything more humiliating for a female?  You’ve been texting this guy for weeks and in fact, you think you are better looking than he is!  Then you see a look of unmistakable disappointment in his face when he sees you.

However, he is either a nice guy and will politely continue the date or suddenly get a text that his mom has been rushed to the hospital!  This is not something that is easy on the self-esteem.  Screw him, who is expecting Cindy Crawford?  Even then, he would probably find some flaws in her.

Don’t give up – Mr. Right is out there somewhere.  Of course, you will bump into him in the supermarket wearing no makeup, your pajama pants and your hair done up like a rat’s nest.  Maybe that’s why I have never gotten a date from a supermarket?

Do’s and Don’ts in Dating!

So you have picked out your future husband, but fear you will lose him fast as bad habits quickly resurface.

 

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Print and laminate at least five copies of these essentials.  You will need one for the back of the toilet tank, your computer screen, your car window, your purse and the door of the microwave.

THE DO’S 

  • Let him text first.  Come now control freak stalker.  If he likes you he will text!
  • Offer to pitch in for something on a first date – even just the tip!  Hopefully, he will decline, but it looks good on your end to at least offer.
  • Save some of the cat talks for a later time. Know the right time to stop, probably when he desperately tries to change the topic.
  • Hide your disdain for both his wet smelly dogs and mention of his exes.
  • Look very carefully for  RED FLAGS and run like the wind when you see one.
  • Quiet on the stories of how badly other men have treated you  (Unless you want him to do the same).
  • Show him your gratitude and appreciation for when he does something nice for you.
  • Consider doing a background check before the first date. Especially those you have met online.  The internet can be a playground for some truly sick and dangerous predators.
  • Do remember that users and abusers WASTE YOUR TIME!  Precious time you could be enjoying with Mr. Right, not some sleazeball who just wants you to come over to his house and never takes you out.
  • Do go out on many dates and HAVE FUN!  The older we get, our brains will convince us that our choices have lessened.  Not true, we actually have a larger selection of quality men to spend our time with.  Forget the days of when we had our pick of a large quantity of pimply faced shallow “studs” just trying to get laid!  Times in the past aren’t always as fun as we choose to remember!
  • Do Stay silent on a bad financial situation till you are well established.  He isn’t looking for a financial burden and doesn’t need to know your electricity check bounced.

THE DON’TS

  • Don’t ever go through his cell phone unless you want hurt feelings, misunderstandings and a lost chance with a very possible Mr. Right!
  • Don’t drunk Text Ever!  They now have cell phone apps for this! Check out very http://www.stopdrunktexting.com.
  •  Don’t make videos of yourself stalking him and then send them to him.  That’s just weird and women generally being so emotion based tend to get caught in the moment and forget that men don’t think like us.

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  • Never leave him UNATTENDED WITH FEMALE FRIENDS!  It’s doesn’t always turn out to be “ho’s before bros”!  Women are competitive by nature, men are dogs by nature.  Don’t try to test him or unnecessarily tempt fate!.
  • Don’t have SEX ON THE FIRST DATE.  He may enjoy it, but in the back of his mind, you have just done every one of his friends!
  • Squash the urges to reply to his texts without at least waiting 30 minutes.  You have a life, remember!
  • Stop telling him every silly thought that passes through your head during the day! This will just irritate him and kill any mystery.
  • No feeding him after midnight!  In fact, he shouldn’t even be walking through your door after midnight, Miss Booty Call!
  • No obsessive googling!   Do you really think you will feel better if you read every comment and examine every female friend on his Social Media!  Guaranteed you will see something you don’t like and it will create negative feelings.   Save that for when you are committed and it is more appropriate!
  • Don’t be jealous that he has a past,  remember he also has a present.  You are not his wife nor will you ever be if you start interrogating him on  “who is this girl”,  etc…  Jealousy is not attractive!

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  • Don’t allow him to treat you in any way, you are not allowed to treat him!
  • Stop messing with your phone around him, it’s just rude and we don’t like it done to us.
  • Do remember to erase those unflattering pictures of yourself on Facebook and Instagram. Don’t join the thousands of cheap tramps trolling all over the social media desperate for any kind of attention.  Keep with the classy “oops didn’t mean to like a supermodel in this shot” only! And don’t photoshop yourself to death either.  You are screaming insecurity and he knows you don’t look like an exhibit from the Hollywood Wax Museum.
  • Don’t let him overstep any boundaries that are important to you.
  • Don’t let him know you are sitting at home on Friday night watching  Pretty in Pink! He is probably sitting at home himself watching “Kickboxer”.
  • Never admit that you have any kind of normal and unflattering bodily functions.  If a weird smell occurs, Lie, lie, lie!  Tell him you think his dog needs to go for walk!
  • Don’t swear like a sailor!  Sounds tacky and cheap.
  • If you dress like a hooker who found her outfit flinging clothes off the 75% discount rack at Target, then expect to be treated like one!  If you can only afford half an outfit, then perhaps wait until you can save up for the rest of it before proceeding with a date!

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  • Lose that black liquid eyeliner, Donatella Versace!  Are you are trying to look like an extra from  Night of the Living Dead or add ten years to your age while highlighting your crows feet!

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  • Never let that first date be without plans and at your house!  We all know that guy!  Hate that guy!

Dating should be fun at any age.  Not some kind of entrapment into a dysfunctional lair of the lying sociopathic creep.  Just don’t invest your heart too quickly!  Make sure he is worth it!