The INSIDIOUS Covert Narcissist

I dedicate the following story to EVERY narcissist who reads it and thinks it is about THEM!

Stage 1: Idolize (Love Bomb).


Think of love bombing as one big FAKE advertisement for what the CN has to offer. The relationship will progress very quickly as you are showered with attention and put on a pedestal.

This should be a huge red flag but the CN won’t give you a moment to see the logic.

Your common sense has been thrown out the window along with your underwear! The CN is busy overwhelming you and you like it.

You are so beautiful that other women must be really jealous, you are so kind to others, your intelligence rivals that of Einstein’s and let’s not forget that humor of yours.

He has never heard such a sophisticated and dry wit that so hilariously pokes gentle fun at the masses.

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Where have you been all his life? You start wondering yourself! Enjoy the compliments while they last, you won’t ever get them again

Just like you he loves Duran Duran and agrees that Luke was the real hero, not Han Solo! It’s almost like talking into a mirror!

He hangs on to every word as you talk endlessly about yourself, completely unaware that he is studying you as if preparing for a calculus final.

Not one of your likes, dislikes, childhood stories, embarrassing high school moments or your dysfunctional relationship with your mother will get past him.

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You are bombarded with roses, the cutest little text messages full of photos of himself and a bunch of “wish you were here’s” as he is attending a family event or friend’s wedding.

You will be included in his future vacation plans, (giving you the idea there will be a future) he will never take you on.

Finally, one night he tells you the story of how badly his ex abused him and how thankful he is to be given another chance at love. Did he really just use the “L” word already!

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Why is he piling it on so thick when he doesn’t mean it?

He is looking for you to recognize what a great guy he is! If you forget to tell him, be sure he will subtly remind you…

The first stage is complete. You are hooked and have fallen for the fantasy that this amazing guy really is in love with you!

You are just going to love stage two…


Stage 2: Devalue

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You are singing Beyonce’s Crazy in Love in the shower excited he is on his way over. Lately, your stomach Is constantly full of butterflies and your head is just full of him. It’s worse than your crush on Simon Le Bon and that was pretty bad!

He has been kind of busy and not around so often. His best friend is in the hospital. You offer help but he declines.

He seems withdrawn and you remind him of how lucky Jim is to have him as a friend. That seems to brighten his mood a little. You can only imagine his pain and feel helpless that you cannot provide any comfort.

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His distance escalates and the dynamic of your relationship is not the same. You assume he is in pain over Jim, but suddenly don’t feel comfortable asking.

He stops initiating texts and for every five of yours, you get a one or two-word reply.

A week or so later he asks you what you are doing. He makes plans for 9pm, but arrives at 11.30.

You had assumed he wasn’t going to show and feeling lonely you allow the neighborhood slut to hang out. Even she seems better than thinking about why he stood you up.

He texts saying he will be there in five and you flee into the bathroom. As does she into your other bathroom. She comes out looking like a cross between a circus clown and a street hooker. Irritated by her remaining presence, you and he go to bed.

You wake up alone and hear giggling from the living room, she’s still there and guess where his attention is focused. Angry but not knowing how to express your feelings without sounding jealous you end up doing exactly that!

They both look at you as if you are crazy yet she holds a smug grin. You ask him how Jim has been doing somewhat harshly. You can’t tell if the look on his face is hurt, annoyed or indifferent and he leaves. So does she less than five minutes later.

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In the eight months you have been seeing each other you have never met one of his friends or seen his house. He would never meet your friends either.

Telling them about him was like Big Bird talking about Snuffaluffagus!

You feel something is really wrong and he is lying to you. But, you can’t give him a hard time because of the still dying or already dead Jim.

Frustrated that you have been silenced you remain quiet. He hasn’t spent the night in weeks and you dread going to bed feeling sad and alone.

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You now overcompensate by being as easy going as possible. He had “doesn’t like difficult women”. When you hear yourself talk it sounds like a stranger. A forced cheerfulness and compulsion to remind him that you care.

You feel like a pathetic loser who has come across as just desperate. His dates have now become an “I’m passing by your house in five minutes” let me know quickly if you want to get together” type deal.”

You hate it and tell him you are busy and can’t be ready in five minutes. Eventually, you learn to be ready or you will never see him at all. Then just like that, there is no word from him at all.

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What did you do to make him hate you so much? Why is he doing this to you?

But, he’s not even doing anything wrong just living his life. It’s you who have been acting crazy with all your needy whiny texts, no wonder he was turned off.

He kept saying that your behavior was “creepy” before he disappeared and you knew he was right. You felt about as sexy as Golem!

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Did he somehow know how many hours you had cried over him? If only you had kept your cool, he wouldn’t have left.

The ugly truth is that the covert narcissist simply became bored with you. He saw a flaw in you that he didn’t like and that was when he began devaluing you.

Plus he already had his eye on somebody else he simply felt was better than you. His next poor unsuspecting victim.

You don’t realize that you have become shelved “supply”. He is completely aware of the pain he is causing you but doesn’t care. He can’t relate because he can’t feel.

Don’t worry he isn’t completely done with you yet, you are only on Stage Two! The game has just begun. He will now stay away just long enough so he won’t have to deal with any drama or confrontation.

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