The Man we HATE to LOVE!
Or is he the man we LOVE to HATE? Who is he and why is he so insidious? If you have ever been the victim of the covert narcissist you will know exactly what I am talking about. You will remember the shocking moment when you saw his mask slip and he revealed the true ugliness that lay beneath. And even though you probably had been enduring his sadistic form of torture for quite a while, that unmasking was still extremely traumatic!
The Tale of Narcissus
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter well known for his magnificent good looks. He loved everything beautiful and held a great disdain for his many admirers whom he considered inferior.
Walking in the forest he captured the attention of a young mountain nymph named Echo. Instantly she fell in love and quietly followed the hunter.
Sensing he wasn’t alone, Narcissus called out “Who’s there?” The nymph echoed him by repeating “Who’s there?”.
Revealing herself she ran towards him to give him a passionate embrace. Repelled by the advance, the arrogant hunter pushed her away. The nymph was completely heartbroken and spent the rest of her years pining away for her love until nothing remained of her but an echo.
Nemesis, the goddess of revenge learned of the story and decided to punish Narcissus for his cruelty. One day, the hunter leaning over a pond to drink became utterly enchanted by a beautiful face in the water.
He was completely unaware that what was looking back at him was an image of himself at the prime of his youth.
Forever trapped by own his reflection, Narcissus eventually realized that this love could never be within his reach. . The passion and longing burned within him so intensely that gradually he melted away into nothing but a gold and white flower.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Today between 0.5 and 1 percent of the population suffer with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) with 50 to 75% being male. The self obsessed characteristics of this derangement bear an eerie resemblance to those of Narcissus.
Traits of NPD
- A false superiority complex masking deep self loathing and insecurity.
- Complete lack of empathy and inability to love.
- Preoccupation with beauty, wealth, success, brilliance or finding the “perfect mate”
- .Exploitation and manipulation of others.
- Fear exposure of their true character being unmasked.
- Believing that they are somehow unique and of a higher status.
- Exaggeration and lies about achievements.
The Covert Narcissist
The Covert Narcissist (CN) possesses all of these traits only he keeps them undercover. He might appear to be shy, anxious and sensitive but in truth he is selfish and manipulative
The danger from the CN lies in the fact that the victim will have no idea of who or what they are dealing with. A once confident and happy person will find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle of confusion and misery.
Their self esteem so broken down that they will accept treatment that is so degrading that it can go so far as to physically affect their health.
How do they get away with treating others in such an abominable manner?
Through deliberate and premeditated conditioning decided from the moment they choose you as their latest conquest.
The narcissist carefully executes a cycle of three or four stages that may repeat a few times before the inevitable end. Idolize, devalue, discard and often hoovering. Each time the cycle repeats, the more vicious the discard stage will become.