The Evil behind Ghosting and the Silent Treatment!

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The Silent Treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with someone who desires the communication. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behavior.

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Ghosting is breaking off a relationship by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.

With thanks to Wikipedia for both definitions.

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There is really no difference.

EVIL may be a harsh word.  However, it is not harsh enough if you logically contemplate the true dynamics behind this narcissistic loser deliberately causing you pain and humiliation!

 This is not someone who cares or has a concern about ever having a true relationship with you. They are out to simply use and abuse for their own selfish purpose.

The guy or girl playing with your emotions here is not clueless over the harm this game causes. Chances are it is not the first time they have played it nor will it be the last!

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Why are they doing it?

For a number of possible and likely reasons: 

  • They met somebody else but want to keep you on the back burner for when they are lonely.
  • Too cowardly or lazy to deal with your emotions if they break up with you in person.
  • They are bored with you.
  • They are trying to punish you and/or control your behavior. Perhaps you were too needy, so this is their way of letting you know that you aren’t that important to them.

There is nothing positive towards you in their motivations. The practice of ignoring somebody is cowardly, abusive and says volumes about their character.

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Most likely you are reading this because you are going through this pain right now and many other people are going or have gone through this and survived!

Someone is doing it to me as we speak and there is one thing I know. I will not like I have in the past, beg, plead or cry or give them the satisfaction of any kind of reaction to their nonsense. They did wrong to me and instead of apologizing they took the easy way out as if I no longer exist. What goes through the mind of somebody who behaves like this?

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Not sure I care. When a normal person with empathy is upset with a friend or a partner they let them know why they don’t feel like talking to them at that moment. Only a sadistic and selfish narcissist or sociopath will abruptly do this without rhyme or reason.

Likely you online right now looking for ways on how to get them to talk to you again. I will tell you like every other blog, that the very worst thing you is to continue to contact them. No calls, texts, emails, social media posts, etc… The more you try, the longer they will ignore. They want to see how far exactly they can push you.

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Silent Treatment: The Crazymaker

The following scenario is what you don’t want. If it has already happened. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, forgive him (for your peace of mind, not his), forget him and move on!

Your guy stands you up for a date, you call repeatedly and he never answers the phone.  You text him “WTF?” and still no reply.  After frantically calling the hospital and jail, you are disappointed to find he is in neither!  You can’t ignore the gut feeling that you have been dumped!

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In desperation, your mind races for another possibility.  He dropped his phone in the ocean again while surfing,  He has done that at least four times in the last two months.  Wait, FB Messenger, he’s never far from his laptop!  You log on to find that he was active just an hour ago. He changed his profile photo and you are no longer in it!

You have been seeing each other for months, everything was perfect.  You never had to text him first or initiate plans.  He couldn’t get enough of you, and now an unexplained deletion?

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You feel like you have just been kicked in the stomach.   Assuming the worst you cry and text continuously for a good four hours.  Eventually, you calm down and explain the hysterics to your alarmed cat. Your cat then looks at you with a bored expression and also decides to give you the Silent Treatment!

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Determined to fix this situation you then text:

“Hey, babe.  So sorry for all the texts.  I thought we had plans tonight and I was completely confused.  Were we supposed to have dinner right?  I apologize for the freakout.  Please call me as soon as you get this message. I  love you and miss you!”

One more hour of silence passes.  Then the ever faithful Desperation Demon repossesses you faster than a scene from The Exorcist.

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 This time you are consumed with complete rage and humiliation.   Round two of the texts begins. The boxing bell rings, unfortunately, you are the only one fighting the match!

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“What kind of selfish uncaring cruel excuse for a human does something like this.  You’re are an A**hOLE ! F*** you and whatever WHORE you are f***ing right NOW!”

You really should put down that wine bottle at this point.  Your fingers are furiously typing pages and pages filled with anger, sadness, and pitiful pleas for a response. Why have you been ostracized?

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You then hysterically promise you will do anything you can to make things right.  You switch from a raging freak out to a brief moment of serenity,  followed by more tears that graduate to a loud wailing. 

You accept you have far surpassed flying over the cuckoo’s nest.   You have stopped, landed on it and chased all the other birds out!

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Still, you literally cannot stop. What do you have to lose at this point? You call his phone until it eventually turns off.  You have left long sobbing messages apologizing profusely on his voicemail (though you have no idea for what?). 

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You wait at least 20 minutes and then try the “funny memories of the good times” angle.  By the end of the night, you want to just die! 

The world as you know it has ended., The fear of the unknown has overwhelmed.  Your soul is devoid of all dignity.

Eventually, you blissfully pass out, the alcohol didn’t exactly help your nuclear meltdown but it gave you the gift of sleep.

Waking up with groggy, head throbbing, and a blank mind you feel weird. Then you remember last night. “No, no, no” you repeat over and over.  “Just a bad dream”! You know it wasn’t.

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Fumbling for your phone, you pray he replied thinking the whole thing was cute or funny.  No such luck.  You get to look at your incredibly embarrassing texts with not one response. More tears. Absolute horror at what you have done!

You decide no more texting if he hears your voice sounding calm it might just make him remember the normal you again.  You try to think of the perfect cute sentence to play off the downright creepiness you projected last night. Does one even exist?

“I’m so sorry babe.  I drank way too much wine last night and I know I made a complete ass of myself.  I’m so embarrassed, I swear my cat thinks I’m a nutcase,  (awkward laugh).  I was just really worried that something had happened to you and I was missing you so badly.  I love you so much, please call me and let me know that you are okay at least.  I really do love you, so sorry bye.”

Putting down the phone you feel like a complete loser.  That was not cute or funny, you sounded more like an addict begging for their last hit!

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Now you have lost your will to do anything.  You decide to call in sick to work, go back to bed and cry yourself back to sleep. 

You are woken up in the early evening by the sound of your phone ringing. Heart racing you hear “Congratulations you have won a free cruise…” Hanging up irritated your look for any new texts. Again there is not one.

For the next couple of weeks, you try to tone it down.  Leaving a message every other day, just casually saying  “Hey there, just wanted to say hi and see how your week was going?” Your efforts are met with the sound of silence.

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All this time, there has been a physical pain in your chest and stomach, your appetite is zero, as is your concentration at work non-existent.

You are tortured by the same thoughts. What happened? I played hard to get! He wasn’t even my type! He said he loved me! How can he suddenly just not care

The truth was he never really cared about her in the first place!

Letting Go

Next time you want to text them, remember everything you have to lose by doing so and everything you can gain by staying strong. Imagine them looking at your phone with a satisfied smirk at your flood of desperate texts. Picture him sharing with others or his new girlfriend. Smearing you as crazy because you were gaslighted by the real nutcase!

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It’s time to focus on taking care of yourself, therapy, eating right, sleeping, enjoying a movie, hanging out with friends who do have voices and leave that person to be in their silent lonely world they created.

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Things will get better, but only if you avoid that toxic person!

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