Eating Tarantulas!

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Straight from Amazon’s website!

These spiders are organically raised which actually causes a rare problem. Due to the organic dehydration process, if a spider hasn’t fully dehydrated it will go into suspended slumber. The moisture in the air could bring the spider back to animation if left out of package too long. Good luck!” 

Hez B. · January 25, 2017

Venomous spiders are dehydrated and can come back to life and kill you if you aren’t paying attention to the length of time between opening the can and cooking them? They are being mass produced in Cambodia and sold in Walmart and on Amazon.

Um put together by workers being paid 5 cents an hour knowing it is going overseas to a bunch of rich Americans. Honestly, I never freak out or exaggerate!


Most of you have probably heard of that mysterious exotic world where the human consumption of tarantulas is quite prevalent.

Giant pile of fried tarantulas in Cambodia.

No this is not Narnia nor a place where the hobbits do roam. It is Cambodia and as a tourist, you may want to very carefully watch where you walk! Can you imagine being in such a hurry to get back to the tourist bus that you slam straight into this lady carrying a top-heavy bowl of tarantulas!

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The woman curses at you and you curse right back, frantically pulling off a mess of crunchy black twigs and throwing one right in her face, barely missing her eyeball. After returning to the bus, tired and famished, your fellow travelers all stare in horror and hurriedly stack their bags on any vacant seats beside them. One passenger actually asked the driver if you can be removed from the bus. A young girl asks her mother if that is really Spiderman?

You are now pissed off, exhausted and seriously starving, so ravenous you could actually eat a … To your horror, your outfit pierced from Tarantula Lady’s inventory actually smells kind of good! The eight legged boys have been deeply fried, that delicious aroma of your favorite chili sauce fills your nostrils!

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You start thinking, what exactly is the difference between a chicken leg and a spider leg anyway? Isn’t it all just cultural beliefs instilled in our minds from years of being surrounded by cows instead of gigantic arachnids!

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Angelina Jolie happily chows down on some crispy critter legs.
Her tortured daughter clearly does not want to follow suit but is given little choice. Mommy dearest…

This protein filled cuisine is now no longer just a delicacy for wealthy celebrities and a third world answer to spam in a can.

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From the comfort of your armchair, you too can annoy your roommate with the loud crunching of spider joints. Completely nauseating him with a satisfied sound of squishing as you suck out that soft spongy middle. By the time you start to use the coarse wiry hairs as dental floss, he is already calling a moving van!

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From the manufacturer:

“High in protein, our Zebra Tarantulas are sourced from Cambodian Tarantula breeders as opposed to being taken from the wild. Given their lack of urticating (irritating) hairs, they’re nervous yet defensive arachnids, known to be very aggressive with one of the most potent venoms of all tarantulas as their only defense is fight or flight. It is though completely safe to eat the whole spider – the legs are great dipped into soy or sweet chili sauce!

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*Supplied canned in a smoked sea salt brine
*Ready-to-eat following a rigorous two-hour cooking process
*High in protein and zinc, low in carbohydrates.
*Sourced from sustainable stocks and organically fed
*Flash frozen, boiled with Thai herb Pandan Leaf then pressure cooked
*Free from artificial colors, flavorings, and preservatives. No MSG.
*Ideal for use in Bush Tucker Challenge charity fundraising events
*Contents: One tarantula spider per can
*Net weight: 30 grams / 1.05 ounces
*Packaging: Sealed ring pull recyclable aluminum can
*Shipped: Boxed
*Crunchy Critters supports Fair trade Practices

I bet Crunchy Critters supports “Fair trade Practices”, hello they did not even use proper capitals! This company is from Texas an knowing my luck they will touting a chainsaw. I am not cool with this. “Let the games begin…” From the manufacturer:

Okay this is starting to piss me off, this doesn’t sound like much fun for the spiders. You will see me move faster than the speed of light with a creepy high pitched squeal thing going on if I ever had to encounter one. But, it doesn’t mean I want any living thing to hurt or suffer… Despite it’s appearance which the spider did not get to choose!

Nutrition per 100 grams: Protein 19.3% | Fat 2.9% | Saturates 1.1% | Carbohydrate 1.3% | Sugar 0.5% | Energy in calories 115 | Dietary Fibre 2.8% | Salt 0.51

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