The easiest refrigerator sale he ever made…
GQ is so yesterday when you can be a male eBay model! His pose screams ” I just dare you to open a Return Request!” Here they are:
The Coverboys of eBay!
Goth in a Tiny Tomato Jacket!
He ate only tomatoes, sacrificed the sun, and squeezed into a jacket two sizes too small to create one of eBay’s hottest photo shoots!
The “Bitch This is my Hair, and I have the receipt to prove it” Diva
I dare you! Talk to that hand and watch is slap you!
The Prep Boy in South Central
Dr Dre met USC and get your ass beat!
The “I’m not really in the Army but just look like it” Guy!
What is more, fun, getting up at 4am to the tune of 500 push-ups or simply wearing the outfit that makes it look like you have!
The “Forever Dickies” Guy
Old Navy, just give it up! Gap, we don’t even remember who you are? Your outfits make a man look like he is dressing for a ballet recital in Swan Lake!
Women want a Dickies man! A man who will proudly strut around in 100% polyester khakis and take you out to Dennys for dinner! He is super hot, blue collar, rugged with calloused hands and a freezer full of microwaved dinners!
“This T-Shirt Gets Me all the Bitches” Guy
You too could be sporting three pet females on a leash if you invested $9.99 in this T-shirt! Also comes equipped with free muzzles for the occasional times when you want those bitches to keep their mouth closed!
The “My Pants with NEVER be Tight or Gold enough” Guy
To me, these just yell too baggy and gold tin foil for fabric! Tighter and Golder, dude!
The “I just used the restroom, happened to look in the mirror and selfie time” Guy
We have all been there. Used the bathroom, looked in the mirror and had no idea how fine we really looked. How much would the world suck without cell phones to catch us when we look super hot! There may just be an eBay talent scout coming out of the stall right next to you.
The “Baby Powder Blue Diapered Sippy Cup” Guy
Your momma would tell you to cross your legs there you ugly beefcake! Nobody wants to watch you sport your powder baby blue speedos with NOTHING even to fill them with… Do the world a favor and buy yourself a bra! I blame Trump for this!
The “I can sell this lamp in the background for $99” Guy
Only if the lamp comes WITHOUT him!
The “Pretty in Pink Moving Service” Guy
Don’t discard her strength and agility when she and the girls drive up in their bright crimson pink moving truck! They will never break one of your Waterford Crystals! Plus, as they look with pure disdain at that comforter you got from Ross, you will end up donating half of your furniture anyway!
The “Check out my Designer Kitchen Appliances” Guy!
Seriously, if I am going to buy a refrigerator I would like to see the whole product!
And for now, that’s all folks. I have plenty more eBay cover boys waiting for their 15 minutes, so stay tuned!