They missed the bus to their Victorias Secret interview and were smoking crack in the bathroom when they were supposed to be auditioning in front of Tyra for Top Model. They thought their dreams of becoming the next Adriana Lima were over and they absolutely knew they were just as beautiful as her. These ladies didn’t give up. Another venue was waiting for them. Please welcome The Cover Girls of eBay!
The Planet of the Apes Extra
It’s hard to compete with this one especially if your dream has always been to be an extra in Planet of the Apes. She requires no makeup and accepts a couple of bananas as a paycheck.
The Giant Midget
Not many people can be both!
The “Guess” Again Girl
Remember when Guess used to be cool! That may have been a good twenty years ago, but what made this girl think those pants and that jacket would be a winning combination. Even worn individually they would be an eyesore! Claudia Schiffer couldn’t make that outfit work!
The Potato Head Girl
Remember Mr. Potato Head? We just found his mail order bride.
The Blonde Fountain of Muscles
Just a few criticisms. That particular shade of green is just too distracting from the rest of the photo. Plus, the sheer fierceness of the pose in contrast to the tranquil beauty of the background is confusing. It just doesn’t scream to me “buy this bathing suit”. This model is frustrated, why? The fountain is not high enough!
The Chipmunk Girl
Oh no, same bathing suit, a different shade of green! This company went all out with its budget and exotic locations. Well, this girl at least has a very nice figure. And best of all, she can store enough nuts in those cheeks to feed every starving squirrel in Africa!
The Retired Coked Out Strippers
Girl’s just wanna have fun… To be 60, look 70 and dress like your 20. You get the best of three decades! I’m glad to see these bathing suits don’t easily untie.
The Young Boy posing as a Teenage Girl for Pedophiles and just got caught by their Mother Model
I think I already said it all in the title!
Shy Plain Jane with a Camel Toe
I like this look. It’s very hipster. She’s totally not trying to be cool, but her efforts to try so hard just make her all the more uncool. Or do I have that backwards?
The Overweight Meth Smoking Unshowered Trailer Park Lady
“Come in” she grunts to you in a hoarse croak. The cigarette smoke burns your eyes but spares you temporarily for the eyesore that awaits you. You are not sure if she is pulling out that bra or stuffing it back in. You run screaming and crash straight into Leatherface in the motorhome next door. He just looks at you with sympathy, puts down his chainsaw and drives you back into town.
That Androygenous Abercrombie & Fitch Model who was an elf in Lord of the Rings
You remember his/her name right and the part where he/she is helping the elf king doing something important in order to fend off the dwarves and the trolls because one of the hobbits lost the ring again and he/she appeared in a beautiful halo of light handing it to Golem. My favorite part in the whole trilogy!
The Bitchy Asian Alexis Colby
For those of you who ever watched the 80’s nighttime soap Dynasty, you should be familiar with the reference. Joan Collins eat your heart out and Krystle, there is a new bitch in town after your man.
For now, that’s all folks. But stay tuned, there are lots more to come!