The Evil behind Ghosting and the Silent Treatment!

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Once it was called the Silent Treatment, now it is called Ghosting! 

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The definition: The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

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EVIL may be a harsh word.  However, it is not harsh enough if you logically contemplate the true dynamics behind the narcissistic loser who does this to you.  Stop for a moment and contemplate the pain and humiliation they KNOW they are deliberately causing you.   Do not mistake any of this for any sort of caring about you!  Trust me, none of this is about trying to further a relationship with you or anything positive at all.

This Silent Treatment is done for a few reasons:  he has met somebody else and wants to keep you on the back burner, he is too much of a coward to break up with you or you have done something to bug him so he is punishing you with this diabolical game in order to put you back in your place and control you again with HIS rules.  Were you too needy with him, well you need to learn you are not that important to him!

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He stands you up for a date, you call repeatedly and he never answers the phone.  You text him “WTF?” and no reply.  After worriedly calling the hospital and jail, you are disappointed to find he is in neither!  You can’t ignore the gut feeling that you have been dumped!

In desperation, your mind races for another possibility.  He dropped his phone in the ocean again while surfing!  He has done that at least four times in the last two months!  Wait, Facebook Messenger, he’s never far from his laptop!  You log on to find that he was active just over an hour ago. He changed his profile photo and you are no longer in it!

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This is too painful to bear.  You have been seeing each other for months, everything was perfect.  You never had to text him first or make plans to hang out.  He couldn’t get enough of you and now he has vanished into thin air!

You feel like you have just been kicked in the stomach.   You cry and text continuously for a good four hours.  Eventually, you calm down and tell your cat:

” I’m seriously acting crazy and making assumptions. So what, one night I can’t get ahold of him and his facebook picture is different.  The world has not ended and of course, I will see him again!  He probably just had a bad day, and what did I do, bombard him with a bunch of needy texts that make me sound like a pathetic psycho! “

Your cat looks at you with a bored expression and also decides to give you the Silent Treatment.

Determined to fix this situation you then text:

“Hey, babe.  So sorry for all the texts.  I thought we had plans tonight and I was completely confused.  Were we supposed to have dinner tonight?  So sorry again for the freakout.  Please call me as soon as you get this message. I  love you and miss you!”

One more hour of silence passes.  Then the ever faithful desperation demon repossesses you once again.  This time bringing on feelings of complete rage and humiliation.   Round two of the texts begin. You hear that boxing bell ring, unfortunately, you are the only one fighting the match!

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“What kind of selfish uncaring cruel excuse for a human does something like this.  You’re are an asshole.  Fuck you and whatever bitch you are fucking right now!’

You really should probably put down that wine bottle at this point.  Your fingers are furiously typing pages and pages filled with anger, sadness, and a desperate plea for a response, any kind of acknowledgment that you have existed in his world.  Why have you been ostracized?

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You frantically promise you will do anything you can to make things right.   You go from complete panic to a brief moment of serenity, followed by some tears and loud wailing.  You accept you have far surpassed flying over the cuckoo’s nest.   You have stopped, landed on it and chased all the other birds out!   You know you have now destroyed any chance of getting him back.

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Still, you don’t stop.  What do you have to lose at this point You blow his phone up until it eventually turns off.  You leave long sobbing messages apologizing profusely on his voicemail (though you have no idea for what?).  You wait a good 20 minutes and then try the “funny memories of the good times” angle.  By the end of the night, you want to just die!  You are helpless, defeated, and heartbroken. Your world as you know it has completely come to an end, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming and frustrating.  Your soul is completely drained of all dignity and happiness,

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Eventually, you pass out, the alcohol didn’t exactly help the nuclear explosion of emotions but at least it put you to sleep.  You wake up with your head literally throbbing, and you lie there for a few minutes groggy and blank.  Then you remember last night. “Noooo…” you mumble.  “Please tell me this is nothing but a terrible dream”! You know it isn’t.

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The battery from your phone is dead, you scramble around for the charger praying he replied and maybe thought the whole thing was cute or funny.  No such luck.  You get to look at your incredibly embarrassing texts and burst into tears.  “What have I done?”.  You decide no more texting if he hears your voice sounding normal it might make him remember the normal you again.  You try to think of the perfect cute sentence to play off the downright creepiness you projected to him last night.

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“I’m so sorry babe.  I drank way too much wine last night and I know I made a complete ass of myself.  I’m so embarrassed, I swear my cat thinks I’m a nutcase,  (awkward laugh).  I was just really worried that something had happened to you and I was missing you so badly.  I love you so much, please call me and let me know that you are okay at least.  I really do love you, bye”.

You put down the phone and feel like a complete loser.  That was not cute or funny, sounded more like an addict begging for their last hit!

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Now you have lost your will to do anything.  You decide to call in sick to work, go back to bed and cry yourself back to sleep.  You don’t wake up until early evening.  Of course, you immediately go for your phone, your heart racing.  You just feel that he called.  But there is nothing no response from him at all.  For the next couple of weeks, you try to tone it down.  Leaving a message every other day, just casually saying  “Hey there, just wanted to say hi and see how your week was going?”.  Never a response.  

You can feel actual physical pain in your chest, you have no appetite, your concentration at work is non-existent and your anxiety just over the roof.  You can’t accept in your head that this is real and keep thinking what happened?  What did I do wrong?  I was one playing hard to get and making him work for me.  He said he loved me, I am such a loser here!

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This situation is extreme, however not uncommon.  When somebody we love ghosts us we are thrown into complete confusion and terrible pain.  We can’t understand why they did that to us and drive ourselves crazy wondering what we did wrong?  And yes, the girl, in this case, sounded like a stalking nut job.  However, one moment she was happily in love and feeling secure in what she thought was a great relationship and the next moment that was all snatched away from her without warning or explanation. As if she wasn’t even worth it and she started to blame herself for “overreacting to the cruel and cowardly behavior of somebody she had no reason to believe would ever do that to her!

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DON’T beat yourself up!  He made you crazy, he was rude and what he did to you was excruciatingly painful!  Clearly, he is one selfish, spineless cowardly excuse for a human.  For somebody to suddenly cut off all contact with another human being they claimed to love as if they were nothing but a Craiglist one night stand… And then guilt-free continue on with their merry life,  feeling triumphant that they had that much power over your emotions is not somebody worth losing any sleep over!

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It’s 2018, by now we are all pretty much chained to our cell phones.  Please do not give this loser the satisfaction of continuing to text him over and over again, trying in vain to get the answer you so desperately want to hear.  You won’t get it!   You don’t need his last thoughts of you to be of a whimpering pathetic desperate nutcase!  I always love it when men have the nerve to call us crazy after they have obviously lied or disappeared and then attempt to twist the truth and put the blame on us.  One big finger up to these jerks!   They need to be put in the straightjacket!

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HE DID IT TO YOU, HE WILL DO IT TO THE NEXT GIRL. PITY HER, BE RELIEVED YOU HAVE ESCAPED!

 

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