Love is NO Hollywood Romance!

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Love, dating, and marriage.  Glamorized in the movies, but stressful,, heartbreaking and sometimes plain boring in real life!   Where do we even start to find our ideal partner?  Here are four simple rules:

1. Meet Mr. Right
2. Keep Mr. Right
3. Stay away from Mr. Tight (both wallet and pants!)
4. Hang up on Mr. Midnight (you are better than a booty call!)

Those pesky emotions and feelings we are cursed with often cause us to doubt what is logical.  We end up deceiving ourselves into seeing and believing what we want to see.  We become blind to what is clearly in front of our face.

We often come to a point in our life where we are torn between two men.  There is the cute “bad boy” who is charming and can sweep you off your feet and leave you wanting more.  However, he can just as easily change into a cheating abusive jerk and then turn back into that sweet guy when it’s convenient for him.  You are left in a turmoil of confused emotions and unhappiness until he calls you again and makes your heart race. Then there is the nice guy. who is so nice and predictable he puts you into a coma.  He is the dependable one that you call when you are bored and lonely and ends up getting the short end of the stick.

Can you make yourself fall for the nice guy who is totally in love with you or do you secretly hold on to that fantasy that Mr. Wrong will come around, realize that you are the one for him and do anything to win your heart back?

Just Break Up?

If you think Mr. Wrong will change, you need to turn off the Katherine Heigl movies and wake up.  Recognize this basic plot!

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The hot guy starts off being nice, then some unknown event (usually another woman) causes him to transform into an ass.  During the last ten minutes of the movie he realizes he has found true love and chases her on the runway behind a plane starting to launch off (seems kind of dangerous!).  He is screaming like a maniac “I love you”!

The pilot (ignoring the safety of 300 passengers) brings the flight to a screeching halt, and everyone on the plane breaks into applause.  They apparently know all the events that had previously transpired between the two lovers and are not the least bit irritated that their flight was interrupted!  Mr. Wonderful climbs aboard finding his woman, who of course is the only passenger who has not even noticed any of the commotions.  Here we see the forever bewildered Meg Ryan sporting a pixie haircut absorbed in a magazine in her usual perpetual state of confusion.  Everyone lives happily ever after, sounds great

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Now let’s look at the sequel that Hollywood won’t make,  Meg gets older, her cuteness fades and she desperately tries to hold on to it with the blotched plastic surgery job of our nightmares. Now the relationship mirrors that of Al and Peg Bundy.  She can’t even get her man to chase her down half a block towards the park when she catches him cheating this time.

Meg Ryan Plastic Surgery – Filler Overkill?

Remember once they get us, they have us!   The thrill of the chase is going to inevitably die.

Thus the heart-pounding romance novel with Fabio spreading his goods all over the cover has come to an end.  The epilogue is not pretty. Now he farts loudly after sex, bitches over a few dishes and throws his tangled jeans on the floor that accentuate his overlapping beer belly.

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His woman screams in disgust as her barefoot makes contact with the heavily skid-marked tidy whities that didn’t quite make the careless toss towards the washer.  She wonders whatever happened to those days he didn’t even own a pair of jeans!

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 Nothing kills a relationship if you don’t have a connection.  No connection = No Relationship!

So reality does bite. Men can be jerks, but the worthy ones will work hard to win you! We forget they have to put a lot more effort into getting us with expensive dinners, phone calls, figuring out how to please us and feigning an interest in what we like to connect with us etc…  And we can be guilty of prancing around like princesses at that point we have them under a spell. Eventually, if we don’t let our pride down, and stop so rigidly following “The Rules” we will end up sitting at home crying, texting and desperately wanting attention back.  Now I’m not saying at all, to be a doormat but however, there has to be a balance between give and take.

So how do we do that?  Start with showing him some appreciation for even the littlest thing he does, down to cleaning the bathtub without being asked.  And watch he will start doing it more and more for you!  He does actually want you happy!

Men really do love recognition for what they do for you. It is the key to making t to make them feel needed and loved.

We never seem to get this one!  If somebody is upset, doesn’t it make sense to talk about it and solve the issue?

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Work with them as far as communication.  Men NEED their time alone to think. They can’t always handle our overflow of emotions and it will make them angry!  They are truly frustrated that they have failed us somehow. So let them cool down or they will flee like the devil is after them.  Vent to a friend and STOP TEXTING HIM!  Which I see every woman do, including myself.  At this time, you probably don’t think that they are thinking about us, but they really are!

We want to talk about problems, men want to solve them!

When he is ready to talk, he will do so, but he needs to do so with positive feelings. Otherwise, he will shut down and wall up!

Men are brought uр tо keep thеіr еmоtіоnѕ within thеіr hеаrt.  This very simple, let him show you he loves you!  Stop obsessing over that one night last Wednesday when he inadvertently said something insensitive without thinking.  Let it go and accept that conflict is inevitable!

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We can find still find ways to avoid unnecessary fighting.  For example, inѕtеаd of nаggіng оvеr hоuѕеhоld issues, mаkе a tо dо lіѕt tо rеmіnd him of general tasks. He is not always being lazy, hіѕ mind is most likely preoccupied with something other than unloading the dishwasher.

And to play devil’s advocate on what I just said,  I do hate to say it but sometimes we do need a little drama/pressure to keep things interesting. Otherwise, how boring would it all be?  Let’s go back to the Sandra Bullock/Julia Roberts plots of the dreaded nineties.  Imagine a romance movie with no scenes to piss you off and make you feel relieved that at least your guy didn’t do that.  Nobody wants to spend 90 minutes watching a couple dancing through daisy fields, having picnics and with no sexy temptress to test the man’s love and devotion.  That would soon put us all in a coma, it is the journey of learning to stay in love despite obstacles and distractions that really makes the love feel worthwhile.

But nevertheless, we never have to worry about that as relationships aren’t always going to be pretty. We all have those awesome “romantic nights” that wake us up with that smile on our face.  Our hair and makeup were perfect.  He actually noticed and he woke up happy that you….  need I say more!  But there are going to be those “hot sweaty, are you seriously dripping on my hair, hurry up and finish and which one of us made that weird noise during… type nights”  Always, awkward, but usually quickly forgotten.

“Nagging leads to conflict.  Conflict leads to Anger.  Anger leads to be being single with too many cats!”

So, in reality, we all really hate it when we catch him looking at other women!  How do we cope?

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JUST ACCEPT WHAT IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE!  Remember he is with you and as hard as is it may be on your ego, you have to let it go unless it is blatantly obvious and rude.  Then feel free to scratch his eyes out!

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First of all talk to him about it and then try and this simple exercise to calm down your fury. Check out the elderly couples strolling around the park holding hands. Yоu’ll see that еvеn those men mаrrіеd for 60 уеаrѕ are still lооking. In fact, hе’ѕ probably lооkіng at уоu!   Creepy, let’s hope your man is also not looking at his 80-year-old wife!  Relationships are hard and don’t ever stay in one where you feel consistently miserable and demeaned.  However, if you are lucky enough to find a man that is good to you, and he may not be perfect – trust me it is worth the fight and the willingness to make some compromises to keep him.  A good man is few and far between these days!

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