Love, dating, and marriage. Glamorized in the movies, but stressful, heartbreaking and often plain boring in real life! So where do we find a happy balance between reality and fantasy?
Emotions can sometimes feel like a curse that causes us to doubt what is logical. We can deceive ourselves into seeing and believing what we want to see and believe. After all, that is far more pleasant. Have you ever been torn between two men? The super hot “bad boy” who is without a doubt just plain wrong for us. Yet our heart will race when we get that text, it takes some real discipline to blow off that adrenaline rush.
Then there is the sweet guy who is always there for you. But, he is so boring and there is no chemistry. You dread the idea of being trapped with Mr. Reliable while still lusting after somebody who you desperately wish would change. And what if he does? Could you truly get over the turmoil of pain, confusion, and loneliness he caused you? Would you be able to cold-heartedly just dump somebody who has given you everything you wanted to be back in the arms of the man you truly crave?
Okay, well if you think Mr. Wrong will ever really change, then you need to turn off the Katherine Heigl movies and wake up. Recognize this basic plot!
Our hot but “bad” guy will start off being nice, then some unknown event (usually another woman) causes him to transform into an ass. During the last ten minutes of the movie he realizes he has found true love and chases a plane on the runway carrying our heroine (seems kind of dangerous!) who is sick and tired of his BS. He is screaming like a maniac “I love you” while somehow managing to jump up to the height of the windows of the rapidly moving aircraft.
The pilot (ignoring the safety of 300 passengers) brings the flight to a screeching halt. Mr ‘Suddenly Realized He’s in Love’, boards the plane and anxiously looks for our protagonist. She, of course, is the only passenger who has not even noticed any of the commotions.
Here we see the typical forever bewildered Meg Ryan character sporting a pixie haircut and absorbed in a magazine. Her face clearly showing the ever so cute perpetual state of confusion.
She bursts into tears of happiness and everyone on the plane breaks into applause. They apparently know all the events that had previously transpired between the two lovers and are not the least bit irritated that their flight was interrupted. Everyone lives happily ever after, so we are lead to believe…
Now let’s look at the sequel that Hollywood won’t make, Meg gets older, her cuteness fades and she desperately tries to hold on to it with the blotched plastic surgery job of our nightmares.
Now the relationship mirrors that of Al and Peg Bundy. She can’t even get her man to chase her down half a block towards the park when she catches him cheating this time.
Thus that heart-pounding romance novel with Fabio spreading his goods all over the cover has come to an end. The epilogue is not pretty. Now he farts loudly after sex, bitches over a few dishes and throws his tangled jeans on the floor that accentuate his overlapping beer belly.
His woman screams in disgust as her barefoot makes contact with the heavily skid-marked tidy whities that didn’t quite make the careless toss towards the washer. She wonders whatever happened to those lustful days when he didn’t even bother with a pair of jeans!
Nothing kills a relationship if you don’t have a connection. No connection = No Relationship!
The moral of the story, if you let it reality will bite! Men can be jerks, but the worthy ones will work hard to win you! They will forgive a few wrinkles because if the chemistry and the love are there they will never really be able to recreate that bond they have had with you!
What men really seem to want is our appreciation and recognition for when they have pleased us. That is a key factor that I have often heard from a bunch of disgruntled and upset men complaining about their girlfriends. And it is a key factor for real and lasting love to actually grow. It is all about the obvious.
Work with them on this and don’t demand instant gratification by trying to force him to talk. Men NEED their time alone to think. They can’t always handle our overflow of emotions and it will make them angry! They are truly frustrated that they have failed us somehow. So let them cool down or they will flee like the devil is after them. Vent to a friend and STOP TEXTING HIM! Which I see every woman do, including myself. At this time, you probably don’t think that they are thinking about us, but they really are!
We want to talk about problems, men want to solve them!
When he is ready to talk, he will do so, but he needs to do so with positive feelings. Otherwise, he will shut down and wall up.
Men are brought uр tо keep thеіr еmоtіоnѕ within thеіr hеаrt. This very simple, let him show you he loves you! Stop obsessing over that one night last Wednesday when he inadvertently said something insensitive without thinking. Let it go and accept that conflict is inevitable!
Find ways to avoid unnecessary fighting. For example, inѕtеаd of nаggіng оvеr hоuѕеhоld issues, mаkе a tо dо lіѕt tо rеmіnd him of general tasks. He is not always being lazy, hіѕ mind is most likely preoccupied with something other than unloading the dishwasher.
“Nagging leads to conflict. Conflict leads to Anger. Anger leads to be being single with too many cats!”
And sometimes we do need a little drama/pressure to keep things interesting. Otherwise, how boring would it all be? Let’s go back to the Sandra Bullock/Julia Roberts plots of the nineties. Imagine a romance movie with no scenes to piss you off and make you feel relieved that at least your guy didn’t do that! Nobody wants to spend 90 minutes watching a couple dance through daisy fields, having picnics and with no sexy temptress to test the man’s love and devotion. That would soon put us all in a coma! It is the journey of learning to stay in love despite obstacles and distractions that really makes the love feel worthwhile.
Relationships aren’t always going to be pretty. We all have those awesome “romantic nights” that wake us up with that smile on our face. Our hair and makeup were perfect. He actually noticed and he woke up happy that you…. need I say more! But there are going to be those “hot sweaty, are you seriously dripping on my hair, hurry up and finish and which one of us made that weird noise during… type nights” Always, awkward, but usually quickly forgotten.
And what do you do when you feel infuriated as you catch him looking at another woman.
Well, it sucks and we all hate it. However it is something they may occasionally do, and if you let it drive you crazy you will end up discarding every man you meet. Just remember he is with you and as hard as is it may be on your ego, you have to let it go sometimes. unless he is blatantly obvious and rude about it. Then feel free to scratch his eyes out!
Try this simple exercise to calm down your fury. Check out the elderly couples strolling around the park holding hands. Yоu’ll see that еvеn those men mаrrіеd for 60 уеаrѕ still have an appreciation for another woman’s beauty. However, because he looked it doesn’t mean he loves his wife any less. In fact, hе’ѕ probably lооkіng at уоu! Creepy, let’s hope your man is also not looking at his 80-year-old wife!
Relationships are hard and don’t ever stay in one where you feel consistently miserable and demeaned. However, if you are lucky enough to find a man that is good to you, and he may not be perfect – trust me it is worth the fight and the willingness to learn to compromise! We all want that perfect Hollywood romance, but if we can learn to work with the realities not shown on a movie screen, then we may just have a chance of creating our own!