The Commitment Phobe
This is a basic course on how to recognize the men of our nightmares before they become our nightmares! For now, I will leave out the date rapists, serial killers, and those who like to expose themselves in zoos or churches. These are the more common breed of beasts you maybe be dating or even married to. They can very quickly demolish your life, heart, and sense of self if you miss the signs.
When you recognize a Nightmare Man, never look back! Run screaming for the hills and don’t stop, for any reason. A Jimmy Choo heel caught in the bushes is no excuse! Sacrifice it, before you sacrifice your sanity!
This lazy conniving vampire will target any easy opportunity.
Victim Must Be:
- Financially Resourceful
He will dehumanize and feed off you like a parasite. He loves to manipulate with the silent treatment, disappearing acts, crazy-making and gas lighting. However, so long as you are providing, he is taking
Control, material goods, free accommodation, and a satisfied ego. Most importantly he needs his victim to provide a cover for him to pass off as a normal trustworthy human being. However, he doesn’t want all the responsibilities that come along with that. How else will he indulge in his addictions, commonly drug abuse, gambling, stealing, sexual etc.?
His agenda is ultimately selfish and ruthless. You would have an easier time finding a Gucci purse in Walmart than finding any real humanity in this man. Fortunately, he can only fake it within his current circle of people for so long…
Sociopaths very rarely have any control over their behavior. They are impulsive and often blow their own game before anybody else can. When he is caught, guess what comes out of his mouth “It’s you who are the crazy evil one”! Wait, how many times have you been arrested and how many times has he – don’t waste your breath arguing with this fool. Walk away!
The sociopath will of course “love bomb” you in the beginning. It can be easy to miss the signs because they have rehearsed and repeated the same act for years. If he moves in way too quick with the attention and phone calls take that as a definite RED FLAG! Do not get blinded by the flattery! He will use methods to make you feel like you are more important to him than oxygen! In a way, he needs you just as much for his survival.
Sociopaths will also mirror you (basically imitate you, if were adopted, then so was he), copy your body language etc… Give you some sob story about his life and try to find out as many of your sensitive areas. He will pretend to be sympathetic towards them only to use them against you later. I actually wonder if there is a handbook that these people follow. Just exactly how do they all know the same formula to use!
Bottom line, this individual has NO FEELINGS except pity for his own pain and emptiness. Sociopaths are very jealous, they even envy the fact that we have a soul and would without hesitation steal it from us if they could. He will charm you, lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you and possibly worse. There are different types of sociopaths and different degrees of their evil. However, even the type categorized as being the least harmful IS STILL HARMFUL!
REMEMBER you CAN’T CHANGE OR CURE THEM! You are dealing with a DEMON who enjoys watching you suffer.
Feeling sorry for a sociopath is like feeling sorry for Richard Ramirez bumping his knee as he crawled through somebody’s window to murder them.
The COMMITMENT PHOBE
Again that overwhelming romantic attention coming at you like a tidal wave! Yes, we all love it but remember with this guy IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HUNT so make sure you give him a good chase before he goes Houdini on you. He will be so cute, affectionate and vulnerable. Suddenly you will be the center of his world and he is talking about plans to do stuff in the future! That is until he has you. Then GAME OVER! Now he will freak out and no longer want you.
Compare it to a cat chasing a mouse! The cat finally gets his claws on the poor creature and then gets anxiety on what he is supposed to do with it. The mouse will end up very upset, and then end up chasing the cat to try and question why her time and energy was wasted running in the first place. The mouse tries to figure out where she went wrong but this is all in vain as she will never get a straight answer!
When the CP has had enough of toying with you, that charming considerate guy will abruptly disappear. The warning signs when this is about to happen are ironically when things are going really well. You feel closer than ever to him. He will then start being very elusive, not returning your calls and doing things to upset you to make you break up with him. He can’t even commit to that! You are totally confused, start over texting him and end up feeling like a crazy pathetic stalker for simply messaging “Good Morning”! To not even a reply. Nobody told you the game was over!
So do what he wants! BREAK UP WITH HIM! The harder you try to work things out with him, the faster he will run. It can be a very heartbreaking experience but there is one thing that at least can be saved and that is your dignity!
There is a reason why he left…
The cold hard truth is that he is BORED with you and things were becoming relationship like. He will always believe there is a “better” woman around the corner and you are a challenge to his freedom. He is already back on the hunt and as usual just too plain wishy-washy to deal with cleaning up the mess of his previous conquest.
This is nothing new to him, he is used to being flooded with texts and tearful women. A situation he absolutely won’t deal with. If you do see him during this time, most likely he will cut off sexual relations, stay only a very short period of time and take off leaving you feeling empty and heartbroken. He will not talk to you about what is going on. In fact, he may even start picking on your flaws. Plus, something will have suddenly changed in his life which is why he can’t see you. He has a sick friend, he has to work more hours, his friends from college are in town etc…
Commitment Phobe = Coward + Selfish + A Little Lost Boy!
The commitment-phobe, I believe is a form of a sociopath. A sociopath is incurable in his disorder, a CP can get help, should he want it. Very rarely he will. He likes his life the way it is and he will do the same thing to this next girl he has left you for. She still won’t be good enough, and that elusive perfect female is still out there. He is somewhat evil in my opinion in the fact that he knows he is going to dump you from the beginning. Of course, he won’t tell you that because why would you want even want to go out with him in the beginning! I think that is particularly cruel and premeditating.
Towards the end, his cowardly way of trying to get rid of you should make him seem a lot less attractive. You look for some kind of compassion from him but all you will get is annoyance and avoidance. A very selfish and using individual. He has mommy issues or some woman hurt him so badly he can NEVER RECOVER! Don’t feel sorry for this one either, he actually is able to feel, so in a way makes him even worse than the sociopath. Because he actually understands what pain feels like!
It’s all about them! The over-inflated egos, the strong sense of self-entitlement, and the overwhelming need for the admiration of others. They are flaky, prone to throw temper tantrums, use and abuse people around them. Plus, they love to sit on their high horse and be very judgemental of others.
Ironically, their self-esteem is pretty much wrecked. The admiration and flattery of others is essentially their lifeline!. You want to keep this guy, you better stay aboard the Love Boat with the special guest star being just himself! He might also play the captain, you will have the honor of being his skipper, bartender, and deckhand!
The moment you question his magnificence you are going to get the cold shoulder. He will only ever want to talk about himself, and what concerns him. You will be lucky to ever be heard. You do not disagree with him or go against what he says or you may be greeted with the silent treatment or some other enjoyable form of emotional or physical abuse. He might break your belongings or talk badly of you to others. The behavior you might expect from a six-year-old! They ultimately though can be far more harmful than a young child.
From silence to violence, these are mentally ill people for which you can never make rhyme nor reason. Do not mistake this term, for somebody who looks in the mirror too much! They may do, but their characters are far more sinister than that. Again, get away! Run, fun as far as you can and never look back, this miserable behavior will never change. And you will never be allowed to be or feel worthy of allowing yourself the happiness you deserve!