For me going to an AA meeting is like going to like going to church and discussing the devil while briefly mentioning God!
Miserable, dying for a drink and feeling resentful that Bill W’s method is the only effective cure for alcohol abuse syndrome. All the brainwashing chanting cult-like mentality getting on your last nerves? You are not alone. AA has worked for many people and has changed many lives. However, every individual is different and what works for some, does not work for all.
I was court-ordered to attend AA for a DUI and I was about to ask the judge if I could have jail instead! For me, sitting in a room full of bitter dry drunks complaining about everything under the sun while constantly reliving all the awful things they did under the influence, just irritated me. Seriously, 25 years since your last beer and now you are going to spend the next 25 years talking about it! So now why are you addicted to meetings?
Swapping one addiction for another addiction does not cure addiction!
Why not work your steps, then go focus on something else like all the things you couldn’t do when you were chained to that bottle.
I guess if you can’t drink alcohol, the next best thing to do is talk about it.
The atmosphere of that meeting was just negative judgemental and non-inspiring to me. I have no problem admitting that I drink beer, and haven’t been able to stop just yet. But once I do, I don’t want to spend my recovery, (which in AA terms I think means until death) talking about my vice. It is just going to make me crave it again, and think that that is the sole purpose of what my life is centered around.
Alcohol is still so much a part of your life, that even though you are not drinking, it has still found a way to steal as much time from you before you were free of it!
As I look around at the faces in the room to pass the time and I imagine what they are thinking. The lady who is sitting there comparing herself to success stories while so consumed with guilt and failure that she slipped after five years of sobriety, she has to start all over again. From a five year chip back to 90 meetings in 90 days! Really where is the deterrent to not have one more drink to at this point? You might as have a few more drinks before you sadly get up again in front of everyone to (how can you not be depressed) accept your one day chip. The past five years, just feel like they were all for nothing!
Now, there is break time and as I attempt to flee and temporarily relieve my claustrophobia, my exit is inevitably prevented by somebody who feels it’s their moral duty to welcome me and try and get my story. Well, the conversation didn’t go so well and I sat through the rest of the meeting with an even more intense glare of hostility towards the members of the room.
I have always been curious as to exactly what medical school, AA members have attended? They all seemed to have earned a degree in hypocrisy and ignorance. The conversation starter ended up attracting more people in the room to circle me. I made the mistake of reaching for a Klonopin from my purse before I had a panic attack. They tried to stop me! Had the nerve tell me I need to go cold turkey off an anxiety medication that could cause my body to have a fatal seizure! But hey, at least I would have died sober!
I love it! Sure I will suffer without a doctor prescribed medication that I have been told to take daily, as they step outside and smoke themselves to death, infecting others with their nasty second-hand toxins exhaling that poison like choking dragons! An addiction that causes sickness and death to those who don’t even indulge in that filthy habit. Along with the cigarettes, they drown themselves in caffeine and stuff their faces with snacks that couldn’t be any higher in sugar. Because those things aren’t remotely addictive! And still, with a straight face, they lecture me.
Fuming in annoyance, I forget to prepare myself to run out to the bathroom. It’s time to form a circle. No, no, no, please! You are going to make me hold hands with some dirty looking people who don’t look like they have had any contact with the soap dispenser after how many visits to that bathroom during the hour? I have Germophobia! Can’t they at least bring in some hand sanitizer for everyone! But darn it, that contains alcohol and somebody might drink it!
Chant, chant, chant. We can all recite the same words over and over but not listen to a damn word we are actually saying. Keep coming back, it works if you work it -work what?
As Mr. Anti-Klonopin makes his way over again, I thus this time escape. I was tempted to ask him exactly who is higher power was? Satan or that rock on the ground I nearly tripped over trying to get out of the parking lot.
I would have appreciated some useful information from that hour of my life. How about they update that Big Book a little, add some other important information. Nutrition, exercise, vitamins, lessons on how not to judge others would be good. And really, it was just plain rude not to clap for that guy who made it to the front of the table to collect his one day chip without actually falling his ass. That was a first for him I heard. He may have ate it big time on the way back to his seat, but hey he made a little progress in his journey. Now stop your whispering and help him up, humanitarians that you all are.
THE BOTTOM LINE!
I clearly don’t care very much for AA myself, however, I am genuinely happy for those it has helped!
Alcohol is a poison and a demon that kills! An estimated 88,000 people (approximately 62,000 men and 26,000 women) die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the fourth leading preventable cause of death in the United States according to the NIH (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism).
I cannot recall one pleasant experience I have ever had with AA and I am so happy that the combination of counseling, good nutrition, and the Sinclair Method is what I have found to have been beneficial for me!
The Sinclair method has an 80% success rate compared to AA which only has 5-10 percent.
Whatever method you choose, please get any kind of help that will work for you (despite my bashing of AA). The one AA thing I do LOVE is the Serenity Prayer
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.