AA, You’re Not My Way!

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For me going to an AA meeting is like going to like going to church and discussing the devil while briefly mentioning God! 

 

Miserable, dying for a drink and feeling resentful at being told that Bill W’s method is the only effective cure for alcohol abuse syndrome?

All that brainwashing and chanting cult-like mentality getting on your nerves?  You are not alone !

AA has worked for many people, however every individual is different and what works for some, doesn’t work for all.

I was court-ordered to attend AA for a DUI and I was about to ask the judge if I could have jail instead!

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Sitting in a room listening to a bunch of bitter dry drunks complaining about everything under the sun while constantly reliving all the awful things they did while wasted is just irritating.

Seriously,  25 years since your last beer and now you are going to spend the next 25 years talking about it! 

“If it wasn’t for these meetings …” Every speaker says. We get it you are so addicted listening to yourselves talk!

Swapping one addiction for another addiction does not cure addiction!

Why not work your steps, then go focus on something else like all the things you couldn’t do when you were chained to that bottle.

Do you ever actually get to enjoy your sobriety?

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To me the atmosphere of the meetings were negative, judgmental and completely non-inspiring. 

So what you really are saying is that alcohol is now even a BIGGER part of your life than before.

Your life revolves around every aspect of drinking EXCEPT drinking?

Desperate to pass the time, I scan the faces in the room imagining what they are thinking.

There is the depressed fat lady comparing herself to success stories and consumed with guilt that she broke her five years of sobriety over a glass of wine she didn’t even finish!

Now she has to start all over again as if the last five years didn’t even count.  90 meetings in 90 days.  Where is the deterrent to not have one more drink to at this point?   You might as have a few more drinks before you sadly get up again in front of everyone to “proudly” accept your one day chip! 

Then there is that poor guy that nobody clapped for. He made it all the way to the front of the table to collect his one day chip. Yes he fell flat on his ass making it back to his chair. But shouldn’t somebody be helping him up instead of whispering about him!

Finally break time and a temporary relief for my claustrophobia. My hasty attempt to escape is inevitably prevented by somebody who feels it’s their moral duty to “welcome me”.

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I have always been curious as to exactly what medical school, AA members have attended?  They all seemed to have earned a degree in hypocrisy and ignorance. The conversation starter ended up attracting more people in the room to circle me. 

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I made the mistake of reaching for a Klonopin from my purse before I had a panic attack.  They tried to stop me!  Had the nerve tell me I need to go cold turkey off an anxiety medication that could cause my body to have a fatal seizure! But hey, at least I would have died sober!

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Sure I will suffer without a doctor prescribed medication as I open my mouth and shamelessly pop it !

I watch them step outside and disappear within thick clouds of cigarette smoke. Quite oblivious of the fact that their logic makes absolutely no sense and quite content to infect others with deadly second-hand toxins. They sound like a bunch of choking dragons as they exhale their pollutants, reach for their coffee and stuff their faces with brownies.

Silly me I think. I should listen to a bunch of codependent know it alls, drowning themselves in caffeine, destroying their livers with sugar and coating their lungs with black tar. None of those things are remotely addictive but wait they aren’t mood altering. I have never witnessed a grouchy smoker out of cigarettes freaking out because they 711 is still five minutes down the road.

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Lost in thought, I missed the cue that the last speaker was about to finish up. Not good, it was essential that I timed a bathroom visit at this moment.

Tragically I was too late my inward screams fell upon deaf ears as everyone stood up to form a circle. No, no, no, please!   You are going to make me hold hands with some dirty looking people who don’t look like they have had any contact with the soap dispenser after coughing buckets of phlegm in to their hands!

I have Germophobia! It’s a disability and I should be exempt from this part.  Can’t they at least bring in some hand sanitizer for everyone!  But darn it, that contains alcohol and somebody might drink it!

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Chant, chant, chant. We can all recite the same words over and over and not listen to a damn thing we are actually saying. 

Keep coming back, it works if you work it!

It does for the 14% success rate who stay sober for at least ten years.

As the Anti-Benzo Advocate makes her way over to me again, this time I do escape.  I was tempted to ask her exactly who her higher power was?  Satan or that rock on the ground I nearly tripped over trying to get out of the parking lot.

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I would have appreciated some useful information from that hour of my life.  How about they update that Big Book a little, add some other important information.  Nutrition, exercise, vitamins, lessons on how not to judge others would be another valuable insight.

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The Bottom Line

If you do struggle with alcohol addiction it is no joke and please get help. If AA works for you, then you should definitely use and embrace it. I know I have bashed it, but that is because it is just not for me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Alcohol is a poison and probably the only reason it is legal is for some kind of government population control!  An estimated 88,000 people (approximately 62,000 men and 26,000 women) die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the fourth leading preventable cause of death in the United States according to the NIH (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism).

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The Sinclair Method is another option!

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The Sinclair method has an 80% success rate compared to AA which only has 5-10 percent!

 

2 Comments

  1. freenotsober

    Love the blog. I just watched “The 13th step” on Amazon Prime. Great movie. I was a part of NA for about 10 years and I left about 4 years ago. So much more freedom in my life now. Thanks for putting this out there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lucysrules

    Thanks, I kind of don’t think I’m exaggerating. I will check out the 13th step. But, I just felt like people were trying to brainwash me and some of them were downright mean! Or thought they were better than me, cough, cough – second-hand smoke, can you sit still for five minutes after all that coffee while at the same time yelling at me for taking anxiety medication. They should be grateful I was, otherwise I probably would cause them all to drink again!

    Like

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