1. A Man is an Accessory, not a Necessity!
We really don’t need them! They are often just really great additions to the outfit we happen to be wearing that day. Just like that dress, you have that looks super plain without the pearls, but add that necklace to liven up your look. Best thing is that you can take it off at the end of the day!
2. Men are like Bloodhounds!
They can smell desperation a mile away! Well, we all knew they were dogs, no surprise there…
3. Mr “Not that Bad” can quickly turn into “Mr. I Have to Have”!
So weird how that happens! When he gives up and stops paying you attention he suddenly turns from Danny Devito to Bradley Cooper!
4. Emotional Baggage + Low Self Esteem+ Being Victim = Scaring off Mr. Right!
I’m not so great at math, but my theory to getting what you want from men can always be broken down into various formulas, not getting much more complicated than simple addition and subtraction.
5. Stay away from Mr. Might!
Um, yeah you are in control. You deserve way better than to deal with Mr. Wishy Washy, “Maybe, Tonight, We’ll See”, It’s all about my time, selfish, egotistical jerk!.
6. Stop any date if he ignores your cat or doesn’t bother to ask their names!
This is undesirable behavior. If you notice even so much as a raised eyebrow when you tell him over dinner that you have seven cats, the date is over! Stand up, push the table at him and throw that expensive glass of wine in his face. Obviously, he has some serious issues Also report him to the ASPCA as you Uber home.
7. Wake up next to Mr. I Must Do, not I Mr. Don’t Trust You!
If after a few too many Long Island Ice Teas, you end up waking up alone and naked in a sleazy motel room with a missing wallet it, might be time to go to AA. Especially, after you remember you were on a perfectly great date with a gorgeous guy, who was considerate enough to go get the car so you wouldn’t have to walk, but your drunken behind accidentally got into the wrong car with the twin of that creepy little man off “Human Centipede II”… a disaster like that could cure the hardest of alcoholics of drinking for life!
8. Don’t waste your time with a man who won’t apologize!
So lame, when they come back pretending like nothing went wrong and everything is the same. They won’t talk about the problem and you get so frustrated because it is never solved AND IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN! Lose this loser!
9. Never Feel Sorry for a Sociopath!
No Mercy! Finish Him! (NOT SEXUALLY!). Have you not seen the “Karate Kid”?
10. Commitment Phobe = Pain Premeditator + User + Coward
Again with the math! Let’s hope he doesn’t break a toe as he runs away from you wearing his little girl dress and tap dancing shoes. So sexy. Find a man with some balls!