He had called me the night he was arrested telling me not to worry about him he was in custody at the police station. His arrogant abusive tone had suddenly changed into one of a frightened little boy.
For the first few moments, I was in disbelief. Wow, it actually worked. My numerous emails to the apartment complex, photographs of his car and license plate, descriptions of the crimes he was going to commit there. A rush of power overcame me and I felt this awesome freedom.
No longer worrying about him going over to Eileen’s. The memories of the hurtful and cruel things he had done to me caused my stomach to buckle so hard I had to bend over. I remembered the Christmas before that I had believed it would be a new beginning for us. I planned it all out three weeks before. His gift, what I was going to wear on Xmas eve, down to my hair and nail polish. I was going to look so smashing and be so positive that the holidays would be fun. He had kept telling me, stop dwelling on the past and I thought maybe he is right. Again, things would have been fine if I did not keep whining over and over about the same old things.
I went to work that morning on Xmas Eve and called him from there to make sure he was going to pick me up and we were going to hang out. He said sure. He picked me up, dropped me home and went to leave. My anxiety point was so high that he was not going to come back that I started to freak out. He promised me would, but how many times had I sat dressed up and ready to go only to sit alone all night and go to bed in tears.
Then the subject Judy came up and the pain of being left in that outside garage room overwhelmed me and the happiness of him being there disappeared. He got mad of course and said really, you’re going to bring this s**t up again. He told me he would be back in a few hours and we would go out look at Christmas lights that night. I wiped my eyes, got dressed up and waited for him to come back. By 7pm, heard nothing. I finally called and the phone was off. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, the same scenario.
I went down to the liquor store and bought a bottle of wine and downed it the whole night. Texting and calling like a desperate maniac, so disappointed and miserable. At 8am the next morning he finally replied to a text saying he washing his Dad’s car and wanted me to go with him to Paul’s house for Xmas. I was like what the f**k happened last night. He said, well you had to bring up Judy and ruin the night, didn’t you! And last night was Xmas eve, and today its Xmas so it doesn’t even count!
I told him I was not going to spend Xmas with him. He then said you have too it’s Xmas, please, please come along! I later found out he had been driving around with Shanti taking her to see the big houses with Xmas lights. Shanti, Paul and Ryan had spent Xmas even in church and then he went back and had partied with them the whole night. Shanti would never touch Ryan with a ten-foot pole, she just played and used him for what she could get out of him.
My birthday, he spent half of with me then took off because Paul had gotten in jail and his crowd of friends were trying to bail him out. One incident after another like that. Valentines Day went over to some ladies house to help her move some stuff and didn’t come back until after midnight.
Thus, I felt nothing but triumph at his arrest. I wanted the death penalty!
After a week of his three months in jail, his dad begging me to take his calls. Apparetnly, Ryan was missing me terribly and miserable without me. I got knots in my stomach and ignored them. No, I’m finally free! Then the letters came pouring in begging to his accept his phone calls. All of a sudden I was his love, and his girl and he was talking about marriage.
He was begging me to visit and his best friend asked me to please come with him. Now again, I know you are all thinking how stupid is this chick? I put it off for weeks, I ended up taking his phone calls. Jail had changed him, he was a new man! He loved me to death when things got out it would all be so different. He was planning a romantic weekend trip for us at some fancy hotel in San Diego, he begged me to send photos of myself – oh now he wants them and had one of the inmates draw a picture from it. Promises of not talking to Nikki, Chanti, Judy, Eileen etc… anymore.
I had started developing a major drinking problem and just constantly crying half the time didn’t even know why. This is embarrassing to expose myself this way, but I am doing it because I don’t want other people to go through what I did. And if they are at least understand the nature of the evil they are dealing with. I am only presenting a small portion of the four to five years of hell. If I wrote much longer, it would be more pages then “War and Peace”!
I was sceptical but again starting to fall for it. When I visited him in jail, I really was happy and excited to see him. The past seemed to fall away, though I wouldn’t look him directly in the eyes which he commented over. I couldn’t, he looked so sad, innocent and vulnerable in his orange jumpsuit and I didn’t trust him. Emotions were the reason I was there not logic.
We talked and he wrote me constantly for the three months he was there. He did sound like a different person, and I do know that a SOCIOPATH WILL NEVER CHANGE. But, hey can’t there be an exception to every rule. They released him, I was sleeping in bed and awoke to him standing over me. Kinda creepy. But so happy to see me and so sweet. Well, that lasted all of barely a week. I told him, prove yourself if you have really changed. I made him make a videotape telling Nikki, he was with me and seeing her wasn’t appropriate. Change your facebook. Keep all your promises. Well, it went a little something like this! The first day he was released he was right back over at Eileen’s house before he even came at saw me, how stupid, go back to the scene of your own crime!
I had no idea at that time. And the reason I kept forgiving him I believe was that he made me laugh so hard as I mentioned before I would forget why I was mad. The giggles quickly came to an end as the abuse restarted, way worse than before. This time it got physical. Things became unbearable. Evidence for the police Part 1 (well of the physical abuse, that is)