From “The Bad Seed” one of my favorite movies. Who would guess this cute little blonde girl with the braids would turn out to be such a monster! They come in all shapes, genders, sizes and ethnicities.
Must have books on this topic. They will seriously open your eyes!
About five years ago, a friend of mine brought over a tall decent looking guy, not really my type. However his personality was as in the case of the Commitment-Phobe quite charming and extremely funny. It is hard to be distrustful of somebody who is just plain goofy and really makes you laugh.
He pursued me aggressively. I was maybe halfway interested, but more interested in the process of trying to meet other goals in my life and stay ahead. Relationship seeking was not a priority.
The sociopath, Ryan started turning up at my house randomly, bringing me housewarming gifts as I had just moved in, helping me out with the kind of tasks men are generally better at and overwhelming me with flattery. “Love bombing”, I believe is the term.
Here is a list of major RED FLAGS I should have noticed.
- Surprise visits to my house
- Over the top attempts to impress me
- Telling me he was a fireman (they don’t pay you to watch “Backdraft”!) yet never had any money or went to work.
- Very friendly demeanor towards my new female roommate
- His best friend was some amateur wanna be porn chick , Nikki (I knew that was on the weird side, but oh no we’re just old friends!.
- His cell phone cover photo was a picture of his ex.
- The non stop talking about his exes – any excuse to tell a story. He sounded like an obsessed stalker!
Every time, I ignore my gut it is a recipe for disaster! Things were fun until I started feeling like he was lying about Nikki. One minute he was always around, the next minute he was gone for days. I told him, that was a major deal breaker!
I was right, that Christmas I was over at his family’s house, been drinking a bit too much wine and heard his phone continually beeping from text messages. I got curious and read them. From Nikki of course. And I did not care for the nature of the texts!
Ryan really was an obsessed stalker. I don’t think any of these girls had even actually been his girlfriends! He would constantly drive by their houses to see what they are they doing just like he is doing to me this day! They were all over his face book and he started doing something just deliberately cruel.
He had his photographs of these girls as trophies to prove his very little manhood. He yet never, wanted one photo of me. A tactic to lower my self esteem and a means of control because he knew it was hurtful. He would never add me to his face book, because it was HIS FACEBOOK! He said that if I stopped talking about it so much then maybe he would add me as a friend. Wow, how special do I feel! Meanwhile he is making compliments to all these girls and when I got furious he made me seem like I was an insane jealous lunatic. Here goes the “crazy making” game!
And weirdly I had become hooked on this guy. I had no idea of the depth of the EVIL that lay within and I am not exaggerating when I use the word EVIL!
So I am not going to bother talking about the good times or what made me stay hooked because that is what a sociopath will do to you. Just assume that there were enough signs of having a “good” heart, kind and thoughtful acts and false promises made to keep me hanging around.
Being some what isolated from my family and having made many other stupid mistakes that got myself in jams, I was a perfect target. And my strength started changing. I suddenly became freaked out about being alone which I never was before!
The emotional abuse started to get really bad. He would give me the oh so famous Silent Treatment. One minute he was there with me all the time, the next minute for no reason he would abruptly disappear for about three weeks at random. No warning, we would be getting along great, then complete and abrupt abandonment. This was when I am guessing Nikki was between boyfriends. He would never answer the phone or reply to my texts, it was seriously traumatizing. The funny thing was she was using him!
When he did return, he would be nice for a short period of time, then came the verbal abuse, the racial names he would call me in front of other people, the constant innuendos that I was a whore, the comments about how many other women in the world were way hotter then me.
Looking at him now, I have no idea what I saw in him. He looks like an aged goofball clown with gigantic feet! Size 17 shoes was his claim to fame – but trust me what a myth that turned out to be!
Then he started stealing from me! What a great guy, stealing from a female trying to survive on her own! He stole my rent money, my credit cards, my checks, my ipod, my computer, my clothes, anything he could get his hands on. He turned out to be a serious drug addict so anything that wasn’t tied down, I could consider gone! I am thankful my cat wasn’t traded!
When confronted he would throw terrible temper tantrums and broke things of value that I worked hard to purchase like my new computer. He destroyed a chunk of photos and memories of my life. But he did the same thing with his own families photos, he just DID NOT CARE or VALUE ANYTHING!
I did eBay for a living, he would take the parcels I gave him to mail, open them up and give the clothing, jewelry all of which were mine and had to sell to survive to other girls! I had to refund a ton of customers and lost my eBay account, the one way I had to make a living. At the same time he was living like a parasite off of me.
Things got better for a while, until he ran into an old friend of his, Paul. I swear these two were lovers and I am not joking. They shared a drug habit and a fondness for swinger parties. They were inseparable, he was always at his house. A cute blonde lived there named Shanti along with an older brunette named Judy. He took me along maybe a handful of times to hang out. Generally I was always left waiting home alone while he was over there flirting and partying. Driving these women around when I didn’t even have a car to do my own errands.
I was starting to get so fed up and miserable, I stopped functioning properly and ended up losing everything. My cats and I were basically homeless, he had stolen all my money!
He ended up taking me far away from my neighborhood to stay in some old garage to “help me out”. His friend owned the house. He promised me he would stay with me and we would get an apartment together. Nope, he told his friend I would pay him $600 for rent, knowing damn well he had taken every dime I had. He then left me and the cats there to rot. He simply went back home to living with the luxury of his parents and partying at Paul’s house.
I had no food. I was too scared to go into the main house to go shower or anything – he had told the man I had money for him that I didn’t have! I was too embarrassed to even face him as he really liked Ryan. I had no means on a way of how to even make any money to pay him. I went nearly three days without eating and I was starving.
I ended up creeping into the main house at 3am to grab a couple of slices of bread. Hunger is not a pleasant experience. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. A grown woman with a college degree who had been actively supporting herself was now reduced to stealing a piece of stale bread from somebodys refrigerator!
Throughout this time of hell, he texted me and taunted me telling me I was evil and this was all my fault. I was not thoughtful enough of him and all these nitpicky reasons of why he wasn’t coming back. Then to make things worse, he told me he had started sleeping with Judy and rubbing in all the gory details. Shanti and him hung out all the time.
I felt close to suicidal. I didn’t even feed myself for so long because both I had no food and I didn’t even care anymore. But, I remembered I had my cats who needed me, luckily I had food for them because I would never let them suffer for my dumb mistakes . Plus, I am just not the type to give up!